Somehow my exercise playlist on my iPhone disappeared. It probably happened with a recent update. I have always had trouble with iTunes. I had already started up the elliptical when I realized I didn't have a decent playlist to listen to. I set the thing to shuffle. As I was winding down my 35 minute … Continue reading What was he thinking
trauma
Worth fighting for
Just about 20 months ago I received trauma therapy in Los Angeles. The particular psychotherapist I visited specializes in working with developmental, relational, and shock trauma. From her website, "she is a specialist in the Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma Model and she is trained to work with the addict, the spouse, and the couple. She is also … Continue reading Worth fighting for
I was doing so well
And this is the way it is going to be, for a very very long time. I was doing well. Accepting of my new and hopefully temporary role of being the caregiver to my husband. I had honestly, pre surgery, been doing well with our roles reversed for a change. I enjoyed kicking back and not … Continue reading I was doing so well
I did it
I made it through that fucking colonoscopy like a champion. Ha, I am patting myself on the back, obviously, for something thousands of people do every single day without complaining. A routine procedure, if you will. The thing is though, I never realized before how toxic trauma can really be. I never realized simple fears could … Continue reading I did it
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
My challenge with blogging
We're still in Japan, having a wonderful time, but that doesn't mean I don't think about the betrayal. There are so many triggers everywhere. Those who read my blog know what I have been going through the past 22 months. First there was discovery, a harrowing phone call and all the revelations that followed regarding my … Continue reading My challenge with blogging
I hope you dance
I spent about a half hour yesterday with a lovely young woman. She's so young in fact that she is younger than my younger son. Her life experiences are minimal. She knows about Blue Eyes and our situation. She knows he is a sex addict and she is so sweet and understanding and compassionate towards … Continue reading I hope you dance
One year ago today
This past weekend we traveled to the coast to attend my sister's wedding. I blogged about her. She's the one whose first husband came home one day and told her he was cheating on her, that he was in fact leaving her, for a man. That was a few years ago. Her ex has been married … Continue reading One year ago today
I hate effing roller coasters
Sorry, I don't meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster. I have been having some lovely conversations lately with a couple of betrayed spouse blogger friends. I really do cherish these relationships... I'm pretty sure they know that, because I tell them all the time. As we all struggle through, with very … Continue reading I hate effing roller coasters
The boy we left behind
After Blue Eyes' brother passed, there was a little 15 month old boy left behind. Blue Eyes spent as much time with that boy as he possibly could, it was good for both of them. Blue Eyes helping to fill an empty void in the little boy's life, the stark absence of a father he barely got … Continue reading The boy we left behind
try not to cry on my rainbow 