As previously mentioned, a separation period has been discussed. I had suggested starting with three months. When Blue Eyes asked me when I wanted to start the separation I said, "I don't." He seemed confused. I explained to him that when I spoke of a separation, I wanted him to know how I thought it would … Continue reading A desperate need for structure
wife of a sex addict
The blog of me
Photo: my favorite tea cup from my collection, and my favorite macarons from my favorite local bakery. Disclaimer: this photo was not taken recently. I am not sitting here eating a pile of french macarons. 🙂 I guess I am in some kind of hella writing mood today, this week, this month? Blue Eyes and … Continue reading The blog of me
I don’t actually know what is real
"I love myself!" It was a downright hellish battle for my trauma therapist to get me to say those words last year. In one of our earlier sessions, she said, "Kat, do you love yourself?" And I sat there, for a long time, thinking. And then tears started rolling down my cheeks. At that point, I … Continue reading I don’t actually know what is real
Just another love story. Part eight: questioning the engagement
STALKER NUMBER ONE Somehow in my frantic quest to get the words out on my last entry, I completely forgot to include the story of my first stalker, also known as Blue Eyes' first girlfriend, Michelle. After Blue Eyes and I moved into our own apartment, he was feeling better post winter break surgery, he was … Continue reading Just another love story. Part eight: questioning the engagement
My first acrylic
Okay, guys. I'm really putting myself out here for this one (on my mostly anonymous blog, ha!). Be kind, be kind. Just kidding. I already put my weight on this blog, what could be more humiliating than that!!! Actually, I love constructive criticism, especially since I am a work in progress and everything I do … Continue reading My first acrylic
Break Free
I have recommended this Tony Porter: A Call To Men TED Talk before in comments to other bloggers, but I haven't ever posted it here on my blog. Blue Eyes was referred to this talk by one of his therapists. He has recommended it to others because it so resonates with him. He associates himself … Continue reading Break Free
thoughts for today: fear & strength
If you let fear control your life you will surely end up in a far worse place than you were trying to avoid. • • • • Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's … Continue reading thoughts for today: fear & strength
A mountain of fear
Here is my dilemma. My current and evolving story is about betrayal and subsequent trauma. Blue Eyes's story is about addiction. His story has been about addiction all along. We have both been hurt. But I did not perpetrate hurt on anyone. My marriage was not struggling. Although my husband did work, at lot, he was not … Continue reading A mountain of fear
Everybody hurts… sometimes
Tomorrow is the five year anniversary of the day Blue Eyes' brother took his own life. Uncle D (as I will call him) was 43 years old. He was married to a young woman he had brought over from China for the purpose of making her his wife. Before hearing the story of how they met by Uncle … Continue reading Everybody hurts… sometimes
He envisioned the devil
It is really sinking in for me that I must focus on taking care of myself first, every day. I know it is so clichĂ©, but it is also so true. I have spent a lot of years taking care of a lot of people and I often get advice here on this blog that … Continue reading He envisioned the devil
try not to cry on my rainbow 