Here is my dilemma. My current and evolving story is about betrayal and subsequent trauma. Blue Eyes's story is about addiction. His story has been about addiction all along. We have both been hurt. But I did not perpetrate hurt on anyone. My marriage was not struggling. Although my husband did work, at lot, he was not … Continue reading A mountain of fear
wife of a sex addict
Everybody hurts… sometimes
Tomorrow is the five year anniversary of the day Blue Eyes' brother took his own life. Uncle D (as I will call him) was 43 years old. He was married to a young woman he had brought over from China for the purpose of making her his wife. Before hearing the story of how they met by Uncle … Continue reading Everybody hurts… sometimes
He envisioned the devil
It is really sinking in for me that I must focus on taking care of myself first, every day. I know it is so cliché, but it is also so true. I have spent a lot of years taking care of a lot of people and I often get advice here on this blog that … Continue reading He envisioned the devil
More couple’s therapy
It's Tuesday, which means therapy day all the way around. Blue Eyes has his individual therapy in the morning and we have couple's therapy in the afternoon. Last night was another rough one, but we got past it. In today's therapy, Blue Eyes did good. He changed things up on Ms. Second Chance. He let me share … Continue reading More couple’s therapy
I could be happy anywhere
Approximately three months ago I put myself on notice in the post The year has come and gone. I am responsible for my happiness. I have made a promise to myself to seek out that happiness and not let anything or anyone get in my way. Happiness used to come so easily to me. I woke up happy … Continue reading I could be happy anywhere
Couple’s therapy
Things are going well. Really well actually until today when my husband said something stupid and careless and my mood took a nose dive. Thankfully it was short lived, but totally unnecessary. His thoughtless blunders continue to remind me of the excruciatingly slow progress of his recovery and my constant fear that what I really want … Continue reading Couple’s therapy
I am the wife
I am heading off to a painting workshop in Southern California. I am a little anxious as I will be painting outside (plein air) and I will be working with acrylics. I have never painted in acrylics before, only oils and watercolors. I am reaching outside my comfort zone and I am also very excited. … Continue reading I am the wife
Sex IS optional, part two
I never addressed the video link in my last post. Not sure music needs explaining, everyone has their own interpretation and there in lies part of the great impact of music. Music often resonates deeply for me especially if there are lyrics and they align with my beliefs or experiences. In this case, I used that … Continue reading Sex IS optional, part two
Sex IS optional, part one
Disclaimer: I love sex BUT I am not an exhibitionist. I am practical. I am mature and thoughtful and respectful. My husband is a sex addict. That complicates things. Also, I am having a very weird and unbalanced week so I will probably share things in this post that I don't normally delve into, eh, … Continue reading Sex IS optional, part one
“I know how difficult it must be…”
UGH. So what I really wanted to be doing while Blue Eyes is at his weekly Buddhist Meditation Meeting is writing another post about Paris, or even writing a post about how wonderful the recipe turned out that I tried for dinner tonight. The plantain tostadas with chipotle ranchero sauce, cilantro citrus marinated chicken, guacamole, … Continue reading “I know how difficult it must be…”
try not to cry on my rainbow 