Journal Entry: July 13, 2014
My husband is feeling better, so we decide to go out to lunch together. As we are finishing our lunch, we are chatting, sitting across from each other and I notice my husband, distracted, looking off somewhere behind me. I ignore it.
Then, as I am talking, I see him smile at someone behind me. I assume there is someone there we casually know and he is smiling at them to acknowledge their presence. Not someone we know well, because he doesn’t stop me from talking and tell me, hey there’s so and so, or jump up to say hi.
I turn around to see who he is smiling at. There are two women in the booth behind us, sitting across from each other. The woman facing my husband is kind of looking around embarrassingly looking for the person my husband is smiling at, because she automatically assumes it is not her. She clearly does not know my husband. She looks uncomfortable.
I ask my husband who he is smiling at. He says “no one.” I am confused. I say, “yes, I saw you smile and now that poor woman behind us looks incredibly uncomfortable. Why were you smiling at her?” He says he wasn’t. I say, “then who were you smiling at?” He says “no one.” I go from confused to angry. The woman behind us is maybe sixty years old. She is kind of frumpy and looks sweet enough, kind of like your Grandma, and she looks a little shy.
We finish lunch and leave the restaurant. I ask my husband if he even realizes what he is doing. He looks confused. I asked if maybe he thought she was putting out a needy or lonely vibe and that is what he was picking up on. Did she shyly, probably accidentally, glance over at you and that was all it took for you to turn on the charm? Are you her prince charming? Are you going to rescue her from her loneliness with your hot, sexy body? WTF? He says he doesn’t know. Maybe. He seems as baffled as I am. He is completely unaware of his own behavior.
Journal Entry: July 15, 2014
I go into work with my husband. We decide to grab a quick to-go lunch at the coffee shop in our office building. My husband frequents this coffee shop/deli as he never brings his lunch and he often does not have time for an elaborate sit down lunch, and it is incredibly convenient. We both order our hot foods from the counter, Blue Eyes goes off to grab a cold coke from the case. I approach the cashier first and ask her for an iced tea. She is an average looking thirty something year old woman and she goes to get my iced tea. In the meantime, Blue Eyes approaches and she clearly knows him. He flashes her his best, hey honey, you’re looking cute today, smile. She flashes it right back. Her mood immediately improves ten fold just from seeing Blue Eyes. She says to MY HUSBAND, “hey, toots” you want sugar with that tea. Now, she does not look my way at all even though I am the one that ordered the tea. She asks my husband if he wants the sugar (and in a way that lets me know she is very well acquainted with my husband). My husband never drinks iced tea. He looks at me, and I say “no thank you.” In my, “he belongs to me” voice. She never even looks at me. She continues flirting with my husband, and he continues flirting back. Neither of them acknowledge my existence. We leave the coffee shop and my husband has no idea why I am perturbed. For some effed up reason, I have to remind him that he is a sex addict and one of his behaviors is grooming women for sex. This is what HE DOES. This is why he goes to a 12 step and therapy and I have to remind him of this. I am not an insecure person. I do not care about the bitch at the coffee shop. I do care, however, that my husband is a weak SOB, that also happens to be a sex addict. “Grooming” is part of his illness. The bitch doesn’t know he is a sex addict. He flirts with her, she flirts with him. It’s all fun and games, UNLESS ONE OF YOU IS A SEX ADDICT! I realize married people of both sexes flirt (except for me, apparently) and most times it probably leads to nothing, even with my husband, but it’s like an alcoholic just taking a little sip of someone else’s beer every once in a while. You are giving the evil beast a tiny taste of freedom and he wants to break down the fucking door and tear the town apart.
I know one of those flirty women, but she was not feeding sips of beer to an alcoholic, she was opening up the full bar and making him a gin martini, and she is now stalking me!