Journal Entry: July 14, 2014
At my last therapy appointment I mentioned something about the fact that the other woman was still calling. My therapist, Chatty Kathy, seemed pretty shocked the woman was still calling, and also asked me why I hadn’t changed my number out yet. I told her I had tried, but the service provider was no longer giving out the regular prefix for our area of the state, they had run out of numbers. The new prefix is strange and for some reason, probably due to my current and somewhat unstable state, it just didn’t feel right to me. Not only do I not like the new prefix, but my current number is in succession with my son’s number, and it weirdly helps me feel connected to him. She said she understood. Not sure if she did. I told her I was not shocked that the OW was still calling because she is incredibly patient. She has apparently been trying to get ahold of me for years, and kept trying even though I never answered. She sat around for months (at one point it was over a year and a half between phone calls/trips) waiting for my husband to call or text her.
Chatty Kathy said that at some point, I will probably be compelled to answer her phone call, but I should wait until I am prepared to do so. I should only answer if I am ready to take the upper hand, set her straight. Let her know that she has no business trying to contact me anymore. I said, okay, I’m probably not ready for that, and she agreed. Mainly because all I could think about while she was talking was that I was going to ask the OW why in the hell she kept calling me. What did she hope to gain. Did she think she could drive me insane. Then I realized, she was driving me insane. Chatty Kathy said we could talk about it later when I thought I was more ready.
Later that same day, the OW called my phone. When my husband changed out his mobile number a couple months ago, I had dumped the app on my phone that puts the blocked calls into a log and then reveals the number. I did it because the subscription just seemed to be more money than it was worth. I ended up looking at the logs anyway, so I knew she was calling, better off to not pay any money and know that every time ‘no caller ID’ calls, it’s her. So when she called that day, I looked at the ‘no caller ID’ and thought, to hell with it, maybe I am ready to talk to her. My husband was sitting next to me, and I said, you know, I think I am just going to answer the call and ask her to stop calling me. My husband jumped up and said “NO, no contact, remember.” I told him maybe if I told her to back off, she would. Or maybe I should just meet with her and get everything out in the open. She could say what she wanted, I could say what I wanted. My husband asked if that was REALLY what I wanted to do. Of course I knew there was no way I was ready for that. I did not tell my husband this, but sitting in front of this horrible woman who had had sex with Blue Eyes so many times, and traveled with him like she was his wife, might destroy me. She would always feel like she had the upper hand because she had known all along something I had not. She still believed that she was giving him something he wasn’t getting from me and nothing I ever said would change her mind. I knew I wasn’t strong enough yet. I said, “no, not really. I just want her to go away, forever.” He told me he had been asking his 12 step guys what they thought was best. Some of them had experience with stalkers. They had told him to try and get a restraining order. My husband started googling things like ‘being stalked, what to do.” He then seemed more confident and said, “I think I know what we need to do. We need to call the police and file a report.” He asked if it was okay if he called the police right then. It was 10:30pm on a Thursday night. I said, “sure, go ahead, call.”
The police officer that arrived at our house approximately 30 minutes later looked like she was straight out of the academy. Pretty, young, blonde, innocent. I thought, oh great, she is not going to understand what is going on here. As soon as she is in our kitchen, my husband bursts out with the fact that he is a sex addict and he had been having sex, intermittently (that is his very favorite thing to say) over the past 8 years. That the woman has obsessively called our phones since she exposed the affair in January (and even for years before that). The affair ended last July, but she believes he is still in love with her, and most likely she is trying to break up our marriage so he can theoretically be with her. The sweet, innocent looking policewoman asks my husband if he told her he would be with her, if he divorced. He says, no. He told her nothing of the sort. He told her they would never be together. And of course the police officer says, “and that made her mad?” How astute of her.
My husband had printed out the log of the OW’s phone calls to both our mobile phones. She suggested I change out my number. I told her why I didn’t want to. She kind of looked at me like I was an abandoned puppy that she felt sorry for. I hate that look. She said she wanted to go out to her car and check to see if the OW had a police record. She was gone for what seemed like forever, and what was actually about 45 minutes. We thought maybe she had been called to a serious crime or something. When she did return to the house, she sat back down at the kitchen table and apologized for how long it had taken at the car. The OW did not have a police record, however, she had called the police to her house approximately three months prior complaining of noises in her backyard. An officer arrived at her house and after checking the perimeter with a flashlight, he went to her door, and apparently this is where the fun began. The officer told her he had done a perimeter and found nothing, so perhaps it had been an opossum she had heard. There was a report on this incident that was over four pages long. Apparently, my husband’s lovely “mistress” had threatened the police officer with violence. She had told him that she was going to take his fucking gun away from him and go out back and take care of the opossum herself, then she was going to call his boss and report him for the incompetent asshole that he is. There was a warning flag on the file to anyone that might have to go out to her house in the future…. take a companion, as a witness, and for backup!
The officer suggested I change out my phone, never have any contact with this woman at all, and that we should file a restraining order. We reminded her that if we filed a restraining order, we would have to see the OW in court and she said, yeah, maybe no restraining order. She said she was going to go out to her car and immediately call the OW on her mobile phone and give her a warning regarding calling any of our numbers or having any contact with any person in our family ever again. She looked totally ready for anything the OW would throw back at her. I was proud of her for wanting to fight the injustice, ha!
As we were walking out, my husband went to take care of our hysterical dogs, and so I was with her alone. She looked me in the eyes and said, I am so sorry this happened to you (she doesn’t even know me). She said she has actually heard of a lot worse happening with this type of situation (I think she was speaking of “love” triangles) and that I really shouldn’t have any contact with that woman. She told me how much she loved my house.
Current Day, 11/27, 2014: It has been more than four months since the phone call by the police officer to the other woman. There have been no more phone calls from the other woman.
Maybe some day I will not think of her at all.