Melancholy Sunday

I finally got a chance to watch the Parenthood series finale. When the Television Show first aired, I was a little disappointed. It was nothing like the movie with all those quirky characters and really funny moments. The TV show was full of beautiful people, with some of the same basic issues, but without the peculiarity. Over time I learned to love the TV show and all its characters. But as we know, all good things must come to an end.

As I watched the finale and they were of course finishing everything off so seamlessly, I caught my breath as they played Ingrid Michaelson’s Always You during the wedding processional. I adore Ingrid and her music and her voice, but for those of us suffering from betrayal, some of her songs encourage pensiveness. What followed were thoughts about my own wedding ceremony. About marrying that boy that I was madly in love with, knowing we would grow together, learn together, and embrace the world together. Believing that we would be faithful and loving towards each other always.

And then on that fateful day, I realized my marriage had been a lie. I had lived the truth, but my husband had not.

Although I had listened to this song many times after I purchased the album, to me it was just another beautiful ballad by Ingrid. I had not heard this song since dday. I cannot believe how quickly just a few words from a song could turn my mood, and make me aware of how differently I think about everything now. In the television show, the song represents a new beginning for the characters.

The first verse:

I wait in the rain but I don’t complain ‘cause I wait for you

And I don’t feel pain, you’re like Novocaine, and I got you

Chorus:

It was always you

It was always you

The words of lovers believing in the integrity and power of their relationship… love is really something, isn’t it? But maintaining a long term union takes a lot of compromise. The new love that feels like it will always be strong and it will be like armor in a world filled with destruction and heartache, that love, doesn’t last. Love sort of blossoms from something that feels like you can conquer the world with it, into something that feels comfortable, like a warm blanket on a cold night.

So, that second verse:

Time and again I thought that the end was just around the bend

But you showed me there’s more, I got more in store, and you got me

Chorus:

It was always you

It was always you

It was always you

It was always you

What do I do now? Is my husband the one who will show me there is more? Will he ever be the one to make me believe that my life with him will be comfortable again… or is there someone else out there for me?

6 thoughts on “Melancholy Sunday

  1. I assumed that’s what you meant.

    (I am the same age as you and have no interest in dating. I am so accustomed to living the way I have been for so many years that I have no desire to compromise on anything. Maybe if I randomly met the “right” guy I would try. It is so hard to meet age-appropriate men who have enough of their own life and are emotionally secure and not needy I don’t even try.)

    Like

    • I understand. It’s damn hard work even if you find someone with half the qualities you are looking for. I knew my husband had “issues” when I met him… just not to this extent. I don’t think my expectations are that high, but it does get to the point where I get tired and wonder myself if it is worth it…

      Like

    • Oh that is really scary to think of as I contemplate letting husband go. I had read somewhere that there is like 5 women to every available man inthe over 50 age group. OMFRICKN GOD -I could see these men lapping that up -turning them into “players” by sheer volume of options. Not to mention if you happen to find a relationship – there may be other women who want to step into your action. AUGHHHHH! Terrible to think of- makes my H look a bit better to me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are “out there” for you…I learned a very long time ago the only one I could count on is myself. Anyone else is a huge bonus, and usually not forever. Whatever you would do to make someone else happy, do it for yourself. Start today.

    Like

    • Hey B. Yeah, I get “me” and I’m pretty comfortable with me. As things go back a little to normal this year with Blue Eyes actually working away from home part of each day, and me working each day as well, I remember what it felt like to be me. I have a lot of talents and interests and I enjoy being alone. I totally get what you are saying, but I am merely speaking in terms of a long term mate here. I have never been without one, and I like it that way. I used to think, before dday, that if something ever happened to my husband, or our marriage, I would not remarry. But I always thought that would be in the future, when I was older. With the reality staring me in the face at 51, I now know I would definitely date again. I guess the question I am asking myself at this point is, does my husband deserve to be by my side as we continue our journey. Some days I wonder.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s