Warning: this is just a venting post about how pissed off I am about my husband’s cheating and spending time internationally with “the other woman.” Anyone not interested in a spiteful rant, please pass this post by. If you are a betrayed spouse (or anyone else who enjoys spiteful rants) and somehow it gives you some solace to know that there is a woman out here who hates her husband’s ex-whore, read away.
As I sit here in Sweden while Blue Eyes is at the last of his meetings for this trip, I am sleep deprived and lonely and not prepared to wander the streets of Stockholm by myself. Although I am not particularly sad, I am a bit angry. I am still really pissed off that the whore got to spend a week in Sweden with my husband in 2011. I don’t care how much time has passed since they were here. I don’t care what excuses my husband has for acting out and acting the way he did, or how crazy the bitch is that got to travel with him and have sex with him. I don’t even care exactly how little time she got to spend with him or how miserable they both supposedly were. He claims he was miserable and felt shameful and like he didn’t want to live anymore. And she must have felt like shit since he spent only a few hours with her over the course of a week. I don’t give a fuck about the reality of it all. I am furious she got five minutes with my husband. Fuck I want to post a picture of her, but the one picture that is on the internet is just way too good. I mean she still looks like a mean, old, awful bitch, but it was professionally taken (I am assuming) and is more than 10 years old. She has aged very badly and gained a lot of weight. Her straw-like hair is brassy and her skin is pasty and I really do hate that woman, which makes me sad and all the more pissed off as I don’t normally hate anyone. People do not need to bother sending comments about how my husband is culpable and why would I let him off the hook and only focus on the woman. Oh, anyone who reads my blog knows my husband is not off the hook and that I fully blame him and that I have cried over how he took advantage of the women. He deals with me and my trauma shit every day. He is in recovery and his whole life has changed. Even though he swears up and down that he likes it better this way, I have my doubts. Even though it was difficult and stressful to keep his two worlds separate and functioning, I believe he thrived on it when he was in his addicted state. He didn’t know anything but a fucked up addicted life. He fed off the secrets and lies. He got hits all over the place, from grooming women to other more obvious behaviors like obsessive porn viewing and the more he got away with it, the more he thought he would never be caught, but that woman, that evil whore of a woman, she fed him his drug and I really want to be able to tell her off. We haven’t heard from her since the plane flight home from Hawaii, which was over four months ago. It has been over 14 months since the bitch called my mobile phone on dday, 8 months since she stopped obsessively calling my mobile phone, and it has been nearly 20 months since my husband fucked her. I want her to be gone from my life, from my brain, from everything, but so many times when I look at my husband, especially while traveling internationally, I see the two of them together. I do not want to, believe me! I only want to see the loving, caring, dedicated family man and partner that I thought I was looking at all those years.
So here I go again, engaging in an exercise of futility for the most part, but somehow it makes me feel better because I cannot do this for real. I cannot send her the letter. I cannot have a face to face conversation with her. I cannot have the closure I desperately seek. I don’t even care if this crazy woman believes me, I just want to have the chance to say it. Because I can’t do that, mostly because everyone but me fears what her response (most likely retaliation) will be. I don’t want to be sued for harassment. I don’t want to be called the crazy one. I don’t want to be stalked and murdered. I don’t want to be in this mess at all.
The original letter was written in early March, 2014 and is posted somewhere back in October on my blog. I don’t even want to waste my time going back to find it as I just want to rant and be done with it.
A shorter letter to the delusional, hoarding, alcoholic whore who thinks my husband gives a damn about her, take 2:
You have got some serious shit wrong with you. You need to get yourself to a therapist right now. From descriptions of you, our therapists have surmised that you have a personality disorder, potentially borderline personality disorder. I actually think you need to be checked into a mental institution. Anyone who would call and then stalk an innocent wife just because some guy she had sex with decided he didn’t want to do it anymore. Anyone who would blackmail a man into meeting up with her. Anyone who would be physically and emotionally abusive to a man because he was spending time with his family. That person is bat shit crazy at least and potentially evil and dangerous. You met my sex addict husband on a CRAIG’S LIST AD. What the fuck did you think you were getting? The man of your dreams? Didn’t the wife and kids and big house on the other side of town with all the family photos and normal old loving family stuff make you think perhaps this guy is lying to me and I should get the hell out? Yeah, I know you were in my house and it made me want to burn the thing down, but I have spent too much time on that house to let you ruin it. I did a mental fumigation to get rid of your stench. Did you really believe the lies? Did you really believe that he was ever going to spend any of his real life with you… any time that wasn’t spent having dirty, filthy, cheating, ritualistic, nasty sex was spent arguing and fighting about you supposedly having a real relationship with him. After eight years, did you not get the memo. You don’t matter to him. How did you think you were going to fit into his life? You are an old, hoarding, delusional alcoholic who lives in the slums. Are you insane?
I do not want to ever see your evil face again. Do not attempt to contact me in any way. It makes me sick we even live in the same city. Your presence here dirties the whole town. Even after you knew my husband was a sex addict and everything he told you was lies, you still pursued him, and you still pursued me aggressively. You are a crazy bitch. Leave us alone. You never should have had 5 seconds with my husband. If not for his addiction, you never would have. He has admitted that if he saw you on the street (and did not know you because of your whore status in his life) he would not look twice at you. You are nothing to him. He never loved you. He continually lied to you so you would do what he wanted in his addicted state. He used you obsessively. Even I cannot believe that you would spend your own money to go on these trips with him where you got nothing from him but some sex that you no doubt used for blackmail. Once he had you, he wanted to throw you out with the trash, but there you were for the duration of the trip, except of course when you were off drinking at some bar. That is why you felt like shit, because he treated you like shit because you were part of his dark side. You are part of the shame he hates about himself. Back the fuck off and never show your face to us again. You are nothing but a free whore who deluded herself into thinking she had a relationship with a man who is a sex addict and never cared for her.
Oh, and regarding the lies:
He didn’t love you, he never loved you, he didn’t even like you
He called you “red” as a nickname because he thought your hair was actually red and he had no interest in calling you by your real name because he didn’t want to validate the relationship at all by admitting you were a real person and not just an elaborate masturbation tool.
We have sex all the time and our marriage is real and we have no problems and I do love him and I do kiss him and I do desire him… you didn’t actually believe any of that crap, did you?
I never knew anything about you being my husband’s whore… I never even suspected, especially after I saw your picture. Even now I find it incredibly difficult to believe. I can only assume you thought I knew as that was your lead in on your strange (and potentially drunken) phone call to me.
He was never ever going to have a real relationship with you, so you can stop all the delusional stalking and creepy behavior. Even if I was dead, he would not have a relationship with you. You never meant anything to him. Part of his recovery is learning to believe in himself. If something did “happen” to me, my husband knows he can do a whole lot better than you, way better, loads better. You are not even real to him.
So that’s it. I feel somewhat better now. Time to get some rest so we can explore Stockholm for the next two days… I am thinking boat tour of the archipelago, walking around Gamla Stan, visiting Djurgarden, eating some meatballs…
Next post, Paris!