I took a little break from technology, blogging, etc… while Blue Eyes and I set off on a trip to a local spa hotel in the wine country. It wasn’t technically a Valentine’s celebration (we all know how I feel about Valentine’s Day), although it did coincidentally happen over Valentine’s Day. It was a gift to me for taking care of Blue Eyes post surgery. Of course such a lavish gift was completely unnecessary, but I enjoyed the hell out of it anyway.
Before I share a little of the loveliness that was showered on me over the past few days, I want to say, Thank You!!! Thank you to you guys, my blogger friends, for helping keep me sane. Thank you for helping get me through some of my roughest days. Thank you for understanding me and having my back, and questioning my motives, and for humoring me as I dream about meeting all of you. I want to have this big betrayed spouse (or just blogger friend, don’t have to be a betrayed spouse) convention where we all sit around in sunshine by a gorgeous pool, very near to a beach, and have a good cry, and a good laugh, and find inspiration from just being with each other. And I really am not a “people person.” Do you believe me? Anyway, I want this. I really really do.
I have a couple Facebook friends who have recently set up loving kindness pages where people share their ideas and actions regarding being thoughtful and kind citizens of the world. How they are paying it forward and being thankful and trying to replace some of the anger and hate in the world with pre-emptive acts of love, kindness, generosity, and caring. It might just be an inspirational meme, shoveling the neighbor’s sidewalk, or paying for someone’s coffee… but all designed to help people feel good. Even though I know a lot of us try to do these types of things every day, it is nice to see that some people are calling it out and making a point of quietly celebrating being able to give to and or give back to other humans. I am here to thank each and every one of you for being that for me… for following along and sharing your thoughts and hugs and love and pain with me. It means a lot to me. More than words can describe. Thank You!!!
So, our time away was not all bliss mainly because I realized once I leave the house, my emotions flow more freely. I am trying to control myself more. I have mastered a lot of the more intense emotions around the betrayal trauma. I am trying to not upset my son as much. Do I think it is fair, nah, not really. But life is not fair sometimes. Once away, however, when something triggers me, which sometimes can be as simple as a moment in a hotel room, or days like Valentine’s Day, I open the floodgate of my feelings and sometimes it is difficult to get that gate shut again. This happened a couple times during our excursion away, like when my husband told me I looked beautiful. This prompted a response from me that included, “when you say those things to me sometimes, these days, I just don’t feel special because I know you said them to her.” I know my husband never cared about the acting out partner the way he cares about me, but that knowledge doesn’t always negate the fact that he betrayed me, and part of that betrayal was with those bitterly hurtful words he said to her, about her, but also about me. There was also a point where we were dressed up in the fancy hotel restaurant and the only words that came into my head, and then out of my mouth were, “I cannot believe how wrong I was about you. I would have staked my LIFE on the fact that you would not have betrayed me.”
We were able to get through all these not fun moments and have a lot of fun anyway because Blue Eyes remained present, and honest, and open about his feelings. We had a loving time away and there also is the fact that I was lavished with gifts and spa treatments. Upon entering the room there was a monstrously huge and amazingly beautiful floral arrangement smack in front of us on the table.
As I turned around to express to Blue Eyes how lovely the flowers were, he held up a pretty little bag in front of me with the words Tiffany & Co. printed across the front. Inside was a gorgeous 18k gold charm bracelet with four charms. Each charm is engraved on the back, snuggle (bunny), sweet (heart), honey (bee), and bear (hug).
We also luxuriated at the spa for many hours indulging in a garden manicure and pedicure (my toenails are now a lovely shade of Valentine’s red), hot oil wrap, and sensory bliss massage. We shared a healthy spa lunch in the couple’s lounge in our plush robes, and it was amazing. I feel revitalized and rejuvenated and all that jazz.
During our stay, I also received a phone call from Ms. Honey, the therapist, saying she had a cancellation and would I like to have the appointment time for Tuesday (yesterday). I grabbed it up and am very very happy I did!
Much love to all of you because, it seems, we made it through another dreaded holiday.