Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we, would we,
Could we, could we?
No no no, that is not what I meant to write, but as soon as I typed those words, it was inevitable. The way we were. That movie makes me sob every time. For her sake, I wanted them to be together, but he was such an asshole. A really handsome asshole, but still an asshole. They weren’t meant to be together.
Blue Eyes knows better than to let me watch that movie, but sometimes he is not around. He will never agree to torture himself by watching it with me. We did that once, in a motel room beside a babbling creek in Sedona, Arizona in 1985. We were 21 and he was trying to figure out how to work the hot tub that was in our room, and I sat on the edge of the bed having never seen the movie before, eyes glued to the little old television. I wanted Hubbell to be different. I wanted him to change because he loved Katie, and Katie loved him and she didn’t need to change. She was true to herself. And, I guess, in the end, he was true to himself. Sometimes love doesn’t win. Sometimes people are assholes.
So, back to what I really intended to write about. Can it be that the low dose prescription of Zoloft my doctor prescribed for me and which I have been taking for a couple months now is actually helping, or is it that I am finally truly healing from the worst of the trauma and I am learning to live in my new normal? Whatever the case may be, I am doing well. Really well. I am much calmer. I have far less anxiety. I don’t feel the blood gushing through my heart, stopping and starting, any more.
As previously mentioned, I have been traveling A LOT. I had barely unpacked my suitcase from San Diego, when I turned around and re-packed it for Paris and London. It seems I have a number of “favorite” cities and Paris and London definitely fall on that list. Paris because, well, it is Paris. And London because everything is in English and the tube is maybe my favorite form of transportation, and of course London is full of history and loveliness.
Here’s a glimpse of my short, but very sweet three days in Paris. I love reminiscing happy times and glorious days in amazing cities with the one I love. We were on a plane for most of Mother’s Day. No triggers, no anxiety. By the time we arrived to our hotel, Intercontinental Le Grand, we wanted nothing more than to get to our room and relax a bit. We had a lovely Junior Suite on the top floor with two balconies.
Blue Eyes had pre-ordered a gorgeous bouquet of Mother’s Day flowers and the hotel had provided champagne, fruit, and a plate of beautiful macaron. We commenced unpacking. There was a knock at the door… special delivery of one decadent chocolate birthday cake for me.
We had a romantic dinner in our room, enjoyed each other, and then slept for about 10 hours. We didn’t want to sleep away our short time in Paris, but we also didn’t want to walk around like jet lagged zombies. Tuesday was dedicated to business meetings… this is how we afford to travel, after all.
Wednesday we set out walking to some of our favorite Paris landmarks. Even though we only had a couple days this trip to really enjoy the city, I love it that I have been to Paris before, so I don’t feel like I have to run around crazy seeing everything, and also, we can focus on seeing our favorite places and choosing maybe one or two new adventures.
I found that a nice pot of green tea really helped me get through the day. The Cafe de la Paix at our hotel was really quite gorgeous and all the food was delicious.
We decided to walk to La Grande Epicerie at Le Bon Marche by way of the Tuileries Gardens outside the Louvre.
La Grande Epicerie at Le Bon Marche had been recommended to me before and had been on my wish list from our trip in 2013. It’s really somewhat like a fancy Whole Foods, but with all the fun that comes with Parisian delicacies.
We grabbed some drinks and headed out to Luxembourg Gardens. I really wanted to see their magical display of seasonal flowers, but it seems they had just started the planting.
From the gardens we headed back across the river as our next stop, our home for three weeks in May 2013, was The Marais district.
While we were eating lunch, it started to rain, so we ducked in around the corner at our other coveted hangout, right outside the door of our old apartment rental, Le Voltiguer Cafe.
We then hopped in an Uber and returned to our lovely room at the Intercontinental Le Grand Hotel.
On Thursday we had planned to tour the Palais Garnier, which was on my wish list for my last two trips to Paris, and which this time was right across the street from our hotel. We opted for the morning guided tour. The Opera House is amazing and the guided tour provided us with so much information, I doubt I would have had the patience to figure it all out on my own. (Palais Garnier)
After finishing our tour and leaving the Opera House, I was bound and determined to see the fabulous ceilings of the Galleries Lafayette, what I would like to call, the fanciest mall anywhere. We were also incredibly hungry. We found a lovely place to eat at the Printemps Brasserie.
Across the street, the Galleries Lafayette also had their own fabulous food hall. All of this fabulousness was about 2 blocks from our hotel.
And sadly our time in Paris was up. It was time to head back to our hotel, gather our bags, and head for Gare du Nord and the Eurostar that would transport us to London.
I had an amazing time with Blue Eyes in Paris. I am so grateful that I no longer live my days in pain and agony. Whether it is the anti-depressant or merely just my own healing, I’m not going to mess with anything right now. I have learned to embrace my new normal and be thankful for all the amazingness that is my life. I am loved, and I am blessed.
Next stop, London, England. Au Revoir. ❤