I’ve done it again. I have to say this is one of the main reasons I don’t follow a lot of blogs. I was reading a blog by a betrayed spouse and I looked down her ‘Blogs I read’ list (of course this is absolutely 100% my own fault) and noticed multiple blogs written by mistresses. I’ve written numerous times about being totally tormented and sickened by reading mistress blogs. It is extremely difficult for me not to imagine it is the other woman writing about her relationship with my husband. The mistresses tend to try and ward off potential judgments by saying they beat themselves up enough and therefore they will not entertain negative comments on their blog. Or sometimes they just say that they didn’t make any promises to the guy’s wife, so they should not be held accountable. Whatever. The quantity of excuses for bad behavior these days is simply mind blowing.
I understand not wanting to get into an argument with a complete stranger about said complete stranger’s relationship with another complete stranger, someone else’s husband. Not my husband–and not the other woman in my life. It’s still difficult to read because so many of the blogs sound so familiar. Just like betrayed spouse blogs sound so familiar. We actually were really great wives. We do have sex with our husbands, or we want to… maybe, just maybe, this is not our fault. Maybe, just maybe, our man is lying to everyone because he doesn’t want to deal with his own demons, not our demons, his demons.
It is rare that I read a mistress blog where she actually questions the validity or truth to what these guys are saying. The mistresses simply put out, a lot apparently (do they think writing about writhing on the floor in ecstasy experiencing multiple orgasms, or having anal sex with a married man is appealing, in any way????), and they believe everything the man says… until that is, things start to go awry. Then they start to question the stories. And, betrayed wives aren’t the only ones trying to fill in the blanks by social media stalking our theoretical enemy. The other woman in my life, someone I had no idea existed, religiously read my family blog in order to find out things going on in my husband’s life. She would actually get angry with him when she saw that we had been on a family trip together? I didn’t know she existed and yet somehow I became the enemy. Apparently I wasn’t a good wife. But the thing is, I was a good wife. And I believe there are a lot of good wives out there. If we’re not good wives, FUCKING LEAVE US, don’t cheat on us you pansy-ass bastard. We’re still human beings worthy of being treated with respect and kindness for fuck’s sake.
I now know, intimately, what was wrong with my husband and why he did what he did, and what is wrong with many other men. Whether it be full on sex addiction or some other embodiment of wounds, or brokenness or selfishness or arrogance, or whatever, the men are the ones with the problem. They are the ones behaving badly. And the mistresses too. If they know they are a mistress, if they know that man is married, they are behaving badly. They are culpable. So, when that sick in my gut, flush in my forehead feeling subsides as I read about mind blowing sex and much talk about how the wife doesn’t satisfy the cheating man’s needs (where’s that vomiting emoji when I need it?), I am now just plainly left with the question… but, why? Why have sex with a married man? That’s it. He’s not yours and probably never will be. It’s most likely going to end badly, statistics prove that out. The mistress is going to be left miserable and alone. So, why? What do they hope to gain?
After 4 1/2 years of dealing with this mess, I guess my question is rhetorical?