So that last post was maybe less ranting than it was just sad. But this post, this post is pure ranting.

After one of my marathon calls last week with one of our employees, I needed to run some errands. I hopped in the car and although the day was actually sunny (but brutally cold with the wind chill factor) I was kind of in a cloudy mood. The radio stations I listen to were all commercials, so I just kept flipping until one played an actual song. It was the oldies station and the song that started to play was Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. I HATE THAT SONG. I have always hated that song. I quickly flipped off the radio and started my own music from my iPhone, and guess which song randomly started to play? YES, The Pina Colada Song. This is NOT a song I would ever buy, but I share my music with Blue Eyes, and he is obsessed with Guardians of the Galaxy and he owns the soundtrack album to the first movie, and yes, that song is on it. UGH. The song was released and popular when I was in high school. I hated it then, and I hate it now. I’m way too practical to be drawn in by the catchy tune. I actually listen to LYRICS.

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read

He’s in bed, next to his partner complaining about how he’s tired of her. So he’s perusing the personals column in the paper potentially looking for her replacement? Here’s the catchy part, the chorus:

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape”

This is the ad he’s reading, by a potential person he can cheat with and/or run away with. The ad is proposing they make love at midnight… on the first date? What is this, Tinder 1979?

I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean (yeah really mean)
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine (whose fault is that)
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad?

Okay, so let me get this straight. You’re tired of your current partner, so instead of making the relationship more interesting, or calling it quits, you decide to look for a way to cheat instead? How romantic.

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape”

Yes, yes, we get it… you like to drink, Pina Coladas, Champagne, you frequent a bar called O’Malley’s. More importantly though, you’re SO tired of your “old lady” that you are not merely looking for a fling, but in fact running away with someone you don’t even know all because you both like Pina Coladas??? And you are in that big of a hurry. When does the paper come out in the morning. You need to meet by noon??? How desperate are you???

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”

Alright. So it was actually your girlfriend that put in the ad in the first place? You two fucking deserve each other. Cheaters! I don’t find this cute and endearing, I find it disgusting. Your lady went from being “old” to “lovely” in an instant, huh? And how long have you two been together anyway that you don’t know these simple things about each other?

Blah, Blah, Blah, Chorus.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Chorus.