Nina flew to North Carolina yesterday and had her day in court. I have a sinking feeling it will be one of many.
The wife is suing both Nina and the husband for alienation of affection. She is divorcing her husband. She wants $100,000 from Nina. Nina’s father has hired her a local attorney to fight the restraining order and the alienation of affection claim.
I know y’all don’t care about Nina, and you may even be pleased by the fact that she is miserable, but now she is also equal parts furious. Blue Eyes asked if she was going to sue the married man for breach of promise, so I asked her. She hadn’t heard of it. I figured if North Carolina still has the alienation of affection tort, they may still have the breach of promises as well. It all seems backwards to me. I doubt Nina would sue the married man at this point. She loves him and knows he’s going to be penniless when this is done. She most definitely wants him back, but I don’t think he feels the same.
Nina’s comment about the wife: “she’s fucking trash and an evil bitch.” I know it must have killed Nina to be in the same room with her former lover.
There are consequences for actions, and Nina’s paying them. I still do feel for her though. We all have a story.
12 thoughts on “Nina’s court date”
I agree with Kat that things are never black & white. But I am going to look at it from a different angle: that the characters in this sad ‘play’ all learn something:
Nina: that she sees how vulnerable she was & understands that so that, she can use what she has learned to stop herself from being caught up in anything similar in the future.
That she reflects on going to the birthday party, and contacting the parents & wife & then asks herself whether that was appropriate, & then understands the restraining order. Sorry on that one I think it is appropriate & understandable.
The Wife: That she reflects on whether she should have perhaps addressed the issues in the marriage & made some difficult decisions. That she will use what she has learned to be stronger in the future, & to also realise that screwing people into the ground is not going to change where she is, or make her feel better. Bitterness is a soul destroyer.
The Husband: That he can see how weak he is, that he turns to another person for validation, instead of looking into himself to see why he needs it. To understand why in the future his actions of the past will come back to haunt him: wonder what the daughter will say when she grows up: that he had his mistress at her birthday party.
Nothing can be changed regarding what happened, but so much can be learned. That’s what Karma is.
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I agree with all you say, Rosie. I have another post in the hopper, of course I do, continuing the conversation. I just haven’t got around to editing and posting it. I can only imagine what all three of them are going through. It is true that Nina should not have attended anything the wife was involved in. I know she wanted to get to know the daughter as she was expecting to be her step mom. I’m sure she also wanted to meet her potential future in laws, and also see the interaction between married man and wife. I agree, that is absolutely nuts and delusional and I do understand the restraining order. Unfortunately the restraining order would be a significant black mark on Nina’s already scarred background check, especially as it is under stalker laws, and I don’t believe Nina is the stalker the wife is making her out to be, but as we all understand, there are consequences to our actions and Nina’s paying them. I really do put a lot of the blame on the married man. For me it was never about putting any blame on the wife (of course), but she is responsible for how she behaves in anger. But again, I understand betrayal trauma, so I get it. It is a mess. xo
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Oh my friend it so is. As you might have guessed I am not particularly religious with regard to any faith (I’m more of a philosophy kinda girl) but I can see why ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’ is one of the 10 commandments, because of the devastation left in its wake.
But it is sad that Nina has a black mark on her record when she was vulnerable. As I said whilst I understand the anger if the wife, I also know that crap can destroy you. I think he will ‘come off worse’ but it depends on his personality. I am loving the discussion. ❤️
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I know as a betrayed wife myself, it’s easy to jump on the ‘I blame Nina’ bandwagon. I see her differently. The husband is actually a pretty sweet kind southern gentleman type. I was going to say he comes off as… but I actually believe it. It’s one of the reasons I believe Nina when she talks about their relationship. I do believe he was unhappy and he created a scenario by which the very vulnerable Nina not only believed, but hung on his every word and promise. I also understand that when a person lives on family land, is married to his high school sweetheart, and doesn’t want to lose seeing his child every day, he might rationalize lying when he is trying to determine what changes he wants to make, and how, in order to be truly happy. It’s a common trap. It’s just so hurtful to everyone. He didn’t man up. Nina feels the deep emotions, but I think he has been able to turn off the “love” and is trying to repair as much of the damage as possible and that does not include Nina. 😔
Karma is a bitch.
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Yep, all the way around.
Nina’s attorney will likely advise her to settle. Even if she wins, she would have huge expenses, especially attending a trial out of state. Apparently money is of no concern to her, but the emotional costs would be horrible. I can imagine the tearful testimony of the innocent wife and mother. Nina can hardly pretend to be innocent when her actions of contacting the wife and in-laws (truly unbelievable) precipitated the divorce. Clearly he decided to dump her when she started pushing for a commitment. Imagine being cross examined on that. Sounds like Nina was doing the heavy-lifting in this, making all those trips to his state. I hope she settles and avoids the drama so she can move on. I also hope she spends some of that money on getting help before she wrecks more lives including her own.
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Nina wants this over at this point. I know from talking with her. She has a new job far away from the married man and his family and realizes now that whatever was between her and the married man is over from his perspective. She still loves him.
In my mind, she actually did not precipitate the divorce, he did. Nina was the patsy not the cause. We never really know what is going on in a marriage and I’m sure Nina also has no real idea. Also, Nina has never been married, so how could she know. She was sold a bill of goods that helped her rationalize her irresponsible behavior.
The testimony of the wife was not tearful. The wife is in angry mode and had nothing but horrible things to say about her husband, many of her complaints preceded Nina. And there were a lot of threats. Divorce is not always the fault of the mistress. Sure, the cheating relationship is 50% her, but the divorce, no.
Even in my case with a sex addict I do not blame the horrifying other woman for the actual sexual relationship she had with my husband. My husband put in the Craig’s List Ad. My husband set up the first encounter and the next and the next and so on. What I do blame this other woman for is her bad behavior, but mostly her stalking me. The way she did it was not like Nina. The other woman in my life was cruel and relentless.
I blame my husband 100% for betraying me. If our marriage had dissolved, he wouldn’t be with her either and it would still be completely my husband’s fault. That is why I don’t really understand the alienation of affection tort. Nina had been in close contact with the married man for two years. They had chosen a place to live. She had toured the campus where his new job is. When he ghosted her she envisioned self harm on his part. She was horribly worried about him and that is why she called them. What I didn’t know until yesterday was that she had spoken with both the parents and the wife on previous occasions. In everyone’s eyes, including mine, Nina and the married man were friends. She had been at the kid’s birthday party. That is messed up.
I don’t think he decided to dump Nina when she pushed for a commitment. They had been talking for about a year about being together. He was the one pushing for it. After Nina had broken off her engagement with a sex addict and been hospitalized (thus the reason I know her so well, the SA connection, OF COURSE) she had sworn off men completely. Her vulnerability and close proximity to the married man were not a good combination, obviously. I blame him. He had never wavered from his desire to divorce his wife. Obviously there is absolutely no legitimate reason to cheat, I realize this, but these cases are not black and white. I think what happened when he started ghosting Nina was that his family came down on him HARD. He had asked for the divorce and then moved out. The wife and daughter live on the family farm where the parents and grandparents get to see their only grand/great grandchild every day. I’m sure they don’t want anyone or anything to mess with that.
Anyway, it truly is complicated and yes, I hope Nina settles and yes I hope she doesn’t get involved with a married man ever again. Oh, Maggie… what is wrong with people? How can they not see how these horrible situations are going to end?
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I’m sorry, but this man carried on a secret affair for 2 years. One thing I have learned in my journey with an SA is to believe the actions of people. The words may or may not be true, but behavior never lies. This man did not get divorced, he didn’t even separate. How easy it is to tour places and pick out places to live. It’s all part of the fantasy that affairs and acting out are based on. Yes, it was very messed up for Nina to attend the birthday parties, etc. and pose as a “friend.” She needs help. Now I understand the wife’s reason for getting a restraining order. That is so messed up it’s scary. Of course he is major messed up, too, to have your affair partner at your kid’s birthday party? But the secrecy is what some of them get off on, the power of having a secret, the drama of it all. The wife may not have much of a case against Nina, but as a business woman, Kat, you know that defending yourself against a meritless case is still costly in time, money and emotional stress. If Nina’s sincere about wanting out of this mess, and really is not into the drama of it all, then I’m sure her attorney can handle it for her so that she is minimally involved. She doesn’t need to fight the restraining order and may instead mediate a cross-restraining order in which the parties stay far from each other. I guess I am agreeing to disagree with you on this one. The best I can say about Nina is that she needs help and I’m glad she has the resources to get that help. Hugs to you, my friend. ❤️
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Pretty sure the married man is not an SA and I don’t believe at all that this was some fantasy driven sexual fling. He is divorcing his wife, not the other way around, thus the alienation of affection against him as well. I agree that Nina needs help. A lot of help actually. But I do blame the husband for not leaving his wife in the first place. I can totally see why he didn’t immediately leave his marital situation. His wife is enmeshed with his family, as it should be, they’ve been married for 12+ years and have a child. They live on the family farm. His parents have always wanted him to take over the farm. He doesn’t want to. That right there is problematic. He doesn’t make a lot of money, so supporting two households was daunting. Easier to stay put until he was making more money. He also was able to see his child every day, if he stayed put. Affairs happen over time. People do what is comfortable and they rationalize. To me the tell-tale sign is he is divorcing his wife. Nina may have just been collateral damage, but I don’t think so. I think this is a case of… if you continue seeing that woman, I will destroy you, and she has the backing of his own family. And yet, he still wants a divorce. And although the husband/wife don’t have a lot of money, she works for an attorney. It’s so so messy. Yes. I hope Nina walks away, and gets help, but I’m still not willing to place all the blame on her. I don’t think this is a case of anyone “getting off on it.” It’s more tragic than that in my mind. I do find it strange that after being cheated on by her SA boyfriend that she decides to cheat with a married man, but that’s probably the problem. Still traumatized she just wasn’t thinking. These are young people all three of them and dealing with so much trauma, bitterness, and heartbreak. I hope they all get help. xo
she’s fucking trash and an evil bitch.” Nina is projecting onto the wife what she is. Common defense for the personality disordered. #teamwife
I know how easy it is to blame the Nina’s of the world. Nina actually isn’t either of those things. I’m sure the wife isn’t either. Anger is a difficult emotion to wrangle.
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