Who does that?


Blue Eyes’ tea & meditation space in our back garden a couple weeks ago during a freak March snow storm.

Taking a Break

I’ve linked here Blue Eyes’ latest post. He doesn’t usually ask for advice or comments on his blog. He started the blog as a way to work on some of the tasks he was assigned by his then therapist. A way to get some of his thoughts off and out of him, same as me. Unlike me, however, he didn’t/doesn’t use his blog as a way to communicate with others, necessarily. I very much use my blog to connect with anyone and everyone. It has been a great help to me. Blue Eyes has his 12 step and fellowship and Buddhist meditation, etc… He has a lot of outlets and safe spaces. Part of his boundaries at the time were that he not engage in “relationships” online or otherwise with women, especially women he doesn’t know. He still keeps those boundaries, but he has, a couple times, with my full knowledge, asked for advice on his blog. I thought he was going to do so with this recent post, but he didn’t, so I will.

His recent blog entry, linked to above, says this:

I am so grateful for everything I have. This time has been a reminder of how extraordinary each moment is. It has been a noble family retreat. I do feel like we are on retreat at the family monastery. When I have been on retreat before or even in my intensive it has been punctuated with this ungroundedness and slowly the layers peeled off and you have no choice, but to be with the raw you. There is no where to run. I am forced to stop.

I am grateful for the time with Kat and peacemaker and the animals and just being at this wonderful sanctuary. Making the right connections. It is just a time of struggle and immense gratitude.

I cannot escape the past and I have the opportunity to be present and practice loving kindness.

I am grateful for closeness and understanding and compassion. I am grateful for the connectedness. I think planet Earth is maybe having some time to heal.

Yesterday I had a therapy session. They happen around every 2 weeks or longer and I have been thinking of winding that up by end of the year. So with everything going on etc., I texted my therapist to confirm we were actually meeting. So about 3/4 into my session she informs me that she thinks her husband, her cat, and herself had Covid 19 and she still feels short of breath…she goes through all the symptoms like a checkbox..all of sudden I feel like I’m in a bad dream. She just gas lighted my reality with a huge omission and the damage may have already been done.

I did the same thing to Kat and my family regarding my addiction, and a lot of my fellow addicts passed on horrible diseases to their unknowing partners. I am now wondering what my therapist knew and did not disclose at the last session. So my therapy is over. I let Kat know what transpired and made sure she is comfortable with me stopping.


Cherry blossoms make things feel a little more right in this crazy world.

I was astonished when I found out Blue Eyes’ therapist was actually still meeting patients in her office. I also couldn’t believe he was agreeing to it. He’s quite the hypochondriac. Who knows how many clients she has seen during this time when we are not supposed to be doing anything that could put us at risk of giving or getting the virus. Our LA therapist hasn’t seen a patient in her offices since early March. She has skillfully set up video therapy appointments although we are not in need of that kind of regular therapy at this point. We’ll go back and see her, hopefully in a few months.

I have felt all along that Blue Eyes needed to keep going with the local therapy that was addressing his childhood and FOO issues. But now, I’m not so sure there is proper therapy for him here. I thought his therapist was pretty good, but now I’m sorta convinced she is crazy. Who allows a client to come to your office during a world-wide pandemic, then tells him she thinks she has had the virus and still has symptoms, AFTER he has already been in her office for nearly an hour? Who does that?

No, really, who does that? Perhaps Blue Eyes taking a break now and re-evaluating therapy, who he’s getting it from, how, and what he hopes to accomplish, is a good thing? Maybe he should be self-quarantined to his tea house for two weeks? Or maybe it’s already too late…


Tonight’s dusk view from my bedroom turned pandemic home office.

24 thoughts on “Who does that?

    • I know, it’s really strange, and sad. But a good and definite sign that it is time for him to move on from this therapist. It was becoming obvious after being in LA and having such great therapy there, how mediocre his Portland therapy really is. She was great for me way back when, but sometimes we stay stuck and need something like this to light a fire under. I honestly think she is completely ungrounded during this time. It is hitting some people really hard, but as a therapist, she has a responsibility to understand her own challenges.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. How closely did they sit? Did they shake hands? Was he wearing a mask or gloves? Did he wash his hands when he left, and does he remember if he touched his face? Try to break down the known transmission risks if you can. I have been going to the supermarket a couple of times a week, and walking every day where I pass people (or bikers or joggers pass me less than 6 feet away) and it’s probable that some people in whose proximity I have been are infected, but I am unconcerned about transmission. I am in NJ as you know, and my county is in the lower half of the horrid infection rates in the state but it is here and there have been deaths, including a friend’s mother who was the first in this town to die.
    I am certainly not saying what she did is acceptable, but it is done and you can try to manage your anxiety by reviewing the facts about the whole encounter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, B. I’m trying to be zen about it. There aren’t as many people, or as many cases out here in Oregon and most people who have been tested don’t actually have the virus. I am cautious and I haven’t personally been in contact with anyone outside our little household, BE does all the shopping and wears a contractor’s mask with filters. There are A LOT of people out on our walks, but everyone keeps their distance. I’m just disappointed that this whole scenario seems to be the impetus for BE to stop therapy. But I do think it is valid. Since we have been going to couple’s therapy, I think it has become obvious to both BE and me that his therapy isn’t quite working the way he would want. Now there is a definite reason to make some changes. Regarding safety, they practiced social distancing and BE doesn’t tend to touch his face and he definitely washes his hands as necessary, so as far as infection goes, he’s probably safe. Glad to hear you are doing well and staying healthy. Our Brooklyn kid is fit to be tied holed up in his apartment with his girlfriend, but they love cooking, so they spent last week making lots of Passover faves. He said when he went to the butcher to pick up the brisket there was only one person allowed in the shop at a time and everyone was wearing masks and gloves including the customers who were spaced well apart outside the shop. He also made his own gefilte fish, which he was very proud of! Stay healthy! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I think they have mostly here too, beleeme, although I guess therapy is considered essential for some and some aren’t comfortable on phone or video. I’m not a therapist and don’t go to a local therapist so not completely sure. The therapist abided by social distancing and other measures, but apparently isn’t providing phone or video sessions. If not for her confession that she thinks her whole family including cat has had it, I’m not sure I would have thought much about it. I was initially shocked by him telling me he was going to an in person therapy session, but assumed someone would only do that if they were completely well.

          Liked by 1 person

          • People can feel completely well and spread it all over. Up to 14 days incubation. They may have it, and not even know and be spreading. The fact she thinks she has it is a real problem. Therapists can choose to stay open (as “essential / medical”) but they aren’t required to meet patients in an office. My very essential ENT MD cancelled my appt in his office. The more I thought about this, gosh – she should be encouraged to report herself to the DOH so at least they could notify anyone she has seen to quarantine for 14 days. She knowingly potentially exposed clients. I mentioned this (not your personal details) to my hub (retired doc) and he doesn’t react normally – unless you have an artery bleeding (LOL – truth). He was PISSED. It’s seriously not OK.

            Liked by 1 person

            • It is disturbing. BE was freaked out. Apparently she said she thought they “had” it, back in March, as in no longer had it but she was still having breathing issues??? It’s nuts really. We have a thermometer and are checking temps every day. They practiced social distancing, but it’s just way more risk than any of us wants to take! xo

              Liked by 1 person

              • I understand and I’m so sorry it happened. There are protocols for when a person technically isn’t infectious anymore based on clinical signs. This is a moving target, so, really, who knows for sure right now? The coughing many weeks thing is real. I know some people who have that. This can cause scar tissue in lungs – permanent. Yes – that freaks me out as it’s hard enough for me to breathe in ideal circumstances. MORE HUGS!

                Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Josh. Nah, haven’t confirmed it. Don’t think I need to. There would be no reason for him to make up something like this about a therapist he likes and sees every couple weeks. I know he asked for advice of his 12 step group. He’s paranoid enough as it is and doesn’t try to create drama. He tries to avoid it. I think he was shocked. I totally believe she said that to him, just not sure why she deems it okay to continue seeing patients when everyone knows that the virus has a 2-week+ incubation period and no one really knows who has it since it is difficult to get tested in the first place. I do know that less than 5% of the people here who have been tested are positive. So the vast majority of people who think they have it, don’t. I think she is ungrounded and struggling with doing what is right. It is up to Blue Eyes to report her if he feels like he needs to. I think they are both nuts for meeting at all. My guess is she is technologically challenged and hasn’t been able to figure out an on-line solution and/or acknowledge the severity of this situation. No doubt because she is a “therapist” Blue Eyes has given her the power over whether he met with her or not instead of using his own common sense. I, personally, don’t appreciate people effing around with my health as a consequence. In this case, I don’t think anyone is lying, just both acting like children. For as many decent 12 step meetings as there are out here, there are really no good therapists. This is probably the end of this one.

      Liked by 3 people

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