I’ve linked here Blue Eyes’ latest post. He doesn’t usually ask for advice or comments on his blog. He started the blog as a way to work on some of the tasks he was assigned by his then therapist. A way to get some of his thoughts off and out of him, same as me. Unlike me, however, he didn’t/doesn’t use his blog as a way to communicate with others, necessarily. I very much use my blog to connect with anyone and everyone. It has been a great help to me. Blue Eyes has his 12 step and fellowship and Buddhist meditation, etc… He has a lot of outlets and safe spaces. Part of his boundaries at the time were that he not engage in “relationships” online or otherwise with women, especially women he doesn’t know. He still keeps those boundaries, but he has, a couple times, with my full knowledge, asked for advice on his blog. I thought he was going to do so with this recent post, but he didn’t, so I will.
His recent blog entry, linked to above, says this:
I am so grateful for everything I have. This time has been a reminder of how extraordinary each moment is. It has been a noble family retreat. I do feel like we are on retreat at the family monastery. When I have been on retreat before or even in my intensive it has been punctuated with this ungroundedness and slowly the layers peeled off and you have no choice, but to be with the raw you. There is no where to run. I am forced to stop.
I am grateful for the time with Kat and peacemaker and the animals and just being at this wonderful sanctuary. Making the right connections. It is just a time of struggle and immense gratitude.
I cannot escape the past and I have the opportunity to be present and practice loving kindness.
I am grateful for closeness and understanding and compassion. I am grateful for the connectedness. I think planet Earth is maybe having some time to heal.
Yesterday I had a therapy session. They happen around every 2 weeks or longer and I have been thinking of winding that up by end of the year. So with everything going on etc., I texted my therapist to confirm we were actually meeting. So about 3/4 into my session she informs me that she thinks her husband, her cat, and herself had Covid 19 and she still feels short of breath…she goes through all the symptoms like a checkbox..all of sudden I feel like I’m in a bad dream. She just gas lighted my reality with a huge omission and the damage may have already been done.
I did the same thing to Kat and my family regarding my addiction, and a lot of my fellow addicts passed on horrible diseases to their unknowing partners. I am now wondering what my therapist knew and did not disclose at the last session. So my therapy is over. I let Kat know what transpired and made sure she is comfortable with me stopping.
I was astonished when I found out Blue Eyes’ therapist was actually still meeting patients in her office. I also couldn’t believe he was agreeing to it. He’s quite the hypochondriac. Who knows how many clients she has seen during this time when we are not supposed to be doing anything that could put us at risk of giving or getting the virus. Our LA therapist hasn’t seen a patient in her offices since early March. She has skillfully set up video therapy appointments although we are not in need of that kind of regular therapy at this point. We’ll go back and see her, hopefully in a few months.
I have felt all along that Blue Eyes needed to keep going with the local therapy that was addressing his childhood and FOO issues. But now, I’m not so sure there is proper therapy for him here. I thought his therapist was pretty good, but now I’m sorta convinced she is crazy. Who allows a client to come to your office during a world-wide pandemic, then tells him she thinks she has had the virus and still has symptoms, AFTER he has already been in her office for nearly an hour? Who does that?
No, really, who does that? Perhaps Blue Eyes taking a break now and re-evaluating therapy, who he’s getting it from, how, and what he hopes to accomplish, is a good thing? Maybe he should be self-quarantined to his tea house for two weeks? Or maybe it’s already too late…