On December 11, 2015, Blue Eyes commenced his third year of sobriety. Last week marked the beginning of year three of recovery for me and Blue Eyes individually, and for our marriage. Last night we discussed this morning's schedule. Blue Eyes would go to his 7:00am meeting with a friend and to the one-hour fellowship after. The friend would … Continue reading The third year, part 1
betrayed spouse
What was he thinking
Somehow my exercise playlist on my iPhone disappeared. It probably happened with a recent update. I have always had trouble with iTunes. I had already started up the elliptical when I realized I didn't have a decent playlist to listen to. I set the thing to shuffle. As I was winding down my 35 minute … Continue reading What was he thinking
Worth fighting for
Just about 20 months ago I received trauma therapy in Los Angeles. The particular psychotherapist I visited specializes in working with developmental, relational, and shock trauma. From her website, "she is a specialist in the Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma Model and she is trained to work with the addict, the spouse, and the couple. She is also … Continue reading Worth fighting for
Looking back, just like any other day
I am moving right past the fact that this is it, right now, as I type this, the two year anniversary of the discovery day phone call. Blue Eyes did write me a beautiful and loving thank you note acknowledging that he knows what this day represents to me and that he is grateful for everything … Continue reading Looking back, just like any other day
Looking back, part two
While glancing back through 2015 posts, something else popped out at me and that was the fact that early on I still obsessed about the sex my husband had with the other woman. And even after I fully metabolized how unimportant those sex acts were in the scheme of things, I still focused on being able … Continue reading Looking back, part two
Looking back, part one
I did something I rarely do. I went back and looked through some of my old posts. I started at the beginning of 2015 and did a quick perusal of where I have been over the past year. Wow. Eye opener. I have made a lot of forward movement out of the dark recesses of … Continue reading Looking back, part one
I will never tell him I forgive him
I have read a couple betrayed spouse posts recently, as well as an article or two, on the subject of forgiveness. I have also heard the phrase, "I will never forgive him," quite a few times. I am pretty specifically focusing on betrayed spouses forgiving their cheating spouses. Although I have mentioned forgiveness a few times on my … Continue reading I will never tell him I forgive him
Some days
I let the hot water wash over me in the shower this morning, and as I watched the steam float slowly to the ceiling, I wrote these words in my head. The feelings were strong in me. The desire to flee, the desire to be free, the desire to be alone. As if they were … Continue reading Some days
My challenge with blogging
We're still in Japan, having a wonderful time, but that doesn't mean I don't think about the betrayal. There are so many triggers everywhere. Those who read my blog know what I have been going through the past 22 months. First there was discovery, a harrowing phone call and all the revelations that followed regarding my … Continue reading My challenge with blogging
Showers
As I stood in the shower this morning, going about the usual routine of washing and conditioning my hair, cleansing my body, shaving my legs, activities that don't require much thought, I realized in my mind I was planning the day ahead. I was thinking about what was on the schedule. I had spoken to … Continue reading Showers
try not to cry on my rainbow 