So, I think I am at this place. The place where I can get past those horrible, frustrating, triggering, and often times painful moments without more therapy. At least for now. I cancelled my last two therapy appointments. I just wasn't feeling it. But, never say never, right? A couple things I love about the … Continue reading Therapy is nice…
healing
My little corner of the world
When my birthday rolled around last month, it marked the two year anniversary of me and Blue Eyes being the proud owners of a little peace of heaven on earth, better known as our beach property. Shortly after returning home from Europe we took a drive over to the property to see how things are progressing. I … Continue reading My little corner of the world
I am thankful…
I am thankful for this blog. I am thankful for the fact that writing out my emotions helps me deal with them. I am thankful for the friends I have met through this blog. Those that I cannot touch or see, but that come here for me, and make me feel less alone. I am … Continue reading I am thankful…
Closure
Blue Eyes completed the ninth step letter I had requested of him. You know, the one I asked him to write to his eight year acting out partner. This letter I requested was to be written to the woman who blackmailed him for years with threats of exposing his secret to me. Written to the … Continue reading Closure
Can it be…
Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line? If we had the chance to do it all again Tell me, would we, would we, Could we, could we? No no no, that is not what I meant to write, but as soon as I typed those words, … Continue reading Can it be…
A forever reminder
In a hotel room in Paris, I sat bolt upright in bed and gripped my left forearm with my right hand. There was a searing pain there on my arm. Whoa, I thought what the heck is going on. I know I had been having a nightmare, I was sweaty and disoriented, but I couldn't … Continue reading A forever reminder
Our time apart
I am way behind on my posts, but for very good reason. We have been traveling most of the past month. So, even though my last couple posts were a bit melancholy, they were not really about Blue Eyes or our relationship, such as it is. At this point, our progress, for both me and Blue Eyes, … Continue reading Our time apart
There’s a cost to all the pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI0Zye_ewPE I am still sick about the untimely death of Prince. As details emerge, it brings back a lot of the feelings from Michael Jackson's death and the pain and suffering of so many other talented musicians, and actors who died too young, it would seem, from merely trying to medicate their pain. Prince, Whitney … Continue reading There’s a cost to all the pain
Why now
This was the question I asked repeatedly of my husband and every therapist we encountered for the first year of recovery. Why, after all these years and all his destructive behavior, can he change now when he never was able to before. He says he wanted to. He says he hated himself. He says he hated … Continue reading Why now
“I never wanted you to find out the truth…”
As I continued struggling with feeling unsettled after Blue Eyes' ninth step, I decided I wanted him to do one more thing for me before he moved forward. As part of his amends step, and his reparation to me, I want him to write a letter to the other woman. The last other woman, the … Continue reading “I never wanted you to find out the truth…”
try not to cry on my rainbow 