It was Sunday morning of this past holiday weekend and I was triggered by something, I don't quite remember. It wasn't so much debilitating as it was distracting. Those feelings of not knowing, of my instincts being totally off, for years. Of him telling me about Ashley, the first, how she had worked years before … Continue reading I knew it wasn’t perfect
married to a sex addict
Thoughts for today
I knew it wasn't perfect Not me, not you. Our faults were written all over our faces, and on every wall and in all the spaces. Me, always too much. Always the first and last to speak and share. The one with all the words, the one who never shuts down and always cares. You, … Continue reading Thoughts for today
Moving on
Street Art at Wynwood Walls, Miami Disclaimer: I wrote this post as the third in the trilogy of 'I woke up to nothing' posts. I'm over those feelings now, but March included a couple of really difficult weeks. The sadness even spilled over into our business trip to Paris, but again, I'm doing better. I'm … Continue reading Moving on
I woke up to nothing, part two
The next message Blue Eyes sent early Tuesday morning went like this: Been thinking of going to beach house Friday through Sunday or Monday morning are you up for it? What do you think? Ironically, one of the only "conversations" we had had the night before involved me telling Blue Eyes that our son and … Continue reading I woke up to nothing, part two
I woke up to nothing, part one
Jack Kornfield said, “At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” I've always held my husband completely accountable for all the lies, all the cheating, all the betrayal. Forgiveness came fairly easy to me (perhaps too easy). I don't hold hate and resentment in my … Continue reading I woke up to nothing, part one
Gimme that shiny thing
I had a rough week last week. Pretty sure this week is going to be filled with some ranting posts. Shall we begin? Work has been hellish lately. For quite some time I have focused on merely getting Blue Eyes through the day. I'm there for him, to talk, to discuss, to problem solve. I … Continue reading Gimme that shiny thing
I’m okay
Last week I drove to the beach house by myself. Blue Eyes and I were in a bit of a spat regarding a work issue. I had done my share, it was time for him to kick in. He promised me he would, then he didn't. It infuriated me. It was a big deal. I … Continue reading I’m okay
This is bullshit
Full disclosure. I wrote this title and the first few sentences below, but I don't remember doing it. I sat down to write a post today, and here was this. I was going to write about something different, but after reading blackacre's Post + comments, here I am. Blue Eyes is very aware of my … Continue reading This is bullshit
Rationalization 201
Possibly been sticking my head where it doesn't belong again, and getting my panties in a wad. For those of us who have been in long term marriages, or intimate partnerships, we know it's not all sweetness and light. It's not all romance and sexy time. In fact, it's mostly not about that at all. … Continue reading Rationalization 201
Paradise
Last month we spent nine days in Hawaii. Mostly I wanted to just relax, bask in the sunshine, walk along the beach, devour afternoon snacks by the pool. We didn't have a rental car and weren't near any actual town, just in a resort area, so we stayed put, all nine days. Paradise! Since we … Continue reading Paradise
try not to cry on my rainbow 