I knew it wasn’t perfect
Not me, not you. Our faults were written all over our faces, and on every wall and in all the spaces.
Me, always too much. Always the first and last to speak and share. The one with all the words, the one who never shuts down and always cares.
You, with never enough. Closed off inside. All the words left unspoken, the promises all broken.
Everything I didn’t know. My trust the shield I always wore. I love with everything I am. My support is given, no questions asked.
You with all the wounds, always hiding who you really are, inside those private places, never knowing the true cost of all the lies and all the cold, hard faces.
This is who I am today, a woman changed, a woman disgraced. My questions always answered with plausible excuses, indifferent responses, continued abuses.
You still live inside your mind, never growing less selfish, never being less unkind. Your emotions broken as an early child, impossible to resurrect what you can’t find.
We stumble through just like before, we laugh, we dream, I ask for me. You turn away from my longing and pleading, knowing you just don’t have it in you, and I think of leaving.
You’ll never make those same mistakes, but others vaguely similar always lie in your wake.
I dream of something simpler still, of peace and silence and nothing cruel. I think about how deftly you lied, how little you cared, how you still live in denial.
All I ever wanted was love, which to me means kindness, integrity, and truth. I didn’t think it was too much to ask, but it was, because the emptiness inside lets me know, you’re just not up to the task.
There was never a day when your lies were okay. There was never a day when my heart went astray. I’m left feeling cold, with no chill in the air. I’m left feeling empty, broken, and bare.
You say you can do this, I’m just not convinced. The time passes and here I sit.
The addiction was a symptom, I know that for sure, because without a drug, you’re no more secure.
I’m not the enemy, I’ve always been the friend, I’m just not sure you know the difference, or care, in the end.