I am on my last day in Salt Lake City without Blue Eyes. I pick him up at the airport tomorrow around lunch time. I have been here since Saturday. It was much more difficult than I could have imagined. Not the seeing my brother and his wife and their little family part. Not the holding … Continue reading Too soon
anxiety
For my own good
It's been a few days since I posted. Not because I have nothing to write about, or even that I haven't had time to be on WP as I have continued reading blogs and thinking about my blog. I have been working on another post for about a week, but I have put that aside … Continue reading For my own good
And that would be gaslighting
Monday, February 16, 2015: couple’s therapy Due to traveling schedules, we had not been to see Ms. Second Chance for two weeks. I could barely remember what we talked about last time. I’m pretty sure we left needing to further discuss my thoughts on bringing a period of celibacy back in order for Blue Eyes … Continue reading And that would be gaslighting
It started on Valentine’s Day
Even though I feel stronger than I did a year ago, stronger as a person and stronger in my marriage, I am not sure I will ever be able to go through an entire day without some reference to the hell my husband has put me through. On Valentine’s Day afternoon, our dogs would not … Continue reading It started on Valentine’s Day
Accountability Report. Week One.
One week and one day ago, I posted about my health. I was experiencing some anxiety, chest tightness, indigestion, back pain, high blood sugars, and uncontrolled hypertension. I wasn't watching my diet, and I wasn't exercising. We spend a lot of time on planes, which adds to risk factors for heart attack or stroke. I … Continue reading Accountability Report. Week One.
The year has come and gone
Like most people, I am on a journey to self awareness, happiness, health, contentment, whatever you want to call it. It's not a race, I don't have to rush it. There is no one destination or result that will mark the completion of this journey, except death. Every day until then, I have the power within myself to improve, … Continue reading The year has come and gone
Can anyone relate?
I am in need of some moral support. My health is failing. I am 51 years old. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for Monday. I have been overweight to some degree or another, most of my life since adolescence. I started my first diet at 14 years old. I had an emergency appendectomy at … Continue reading Can anyone relate?
Unburying the trauma
Months ago, I was ruminating on the fact that part of the reason I was struggling so desperately with my husband’s betrayal was not because of the extramarital sex acts he and his affair partners participated in, because deep down, sex is sex to me and I shoved thoughts of those frivolous, filthy liaisons where … Continue reading Unburying the trauma
Guest post: the sex addict speaks about his first step
Journal Entry: October 31, 2014 “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” -Maya Angelou Since my life has been somewhat of a horror show since January, I guess it is appropriate to have my husband join me on this Halloween evening and share some insight into his brain. This morning … Continue reading Guest post: the sex addict speaks about his first step
The ambush, part one
Journal Entry: October 30, 2014 This is the note I wrote to my husband after this morning’s disclosure: Some day I hope you can understand that every time, every fucking time you disclose information that you have been keeping from me, in other words lying about, it is like you are stabbing me with a … Continue reading The ambush, part one
try not to cry on my rainbow 