As I struggle through this journey of evaluating my relationship with my husband, I’m taking a stroll through our history and trying to relive some of those memories that pulled us together in the first place. I hope it helps me. I was not college bound. No one in my family had gone to college. … Continue reading Just another love story. Part one: let’s be friends
cheating husband
Melancholy Sunday
I finally got a chance to watch the Parenthood series finale. When the Television Show first aired, I was a little disappointed. It was nothing like the movie with all those quirky characters and really funny moments. The TV show was full of beautiful people, with some of the same basic issues, but without the … Continue reading Melancholy Sunday
Unburying the trauma
Months ago, I was ruminating on the fact that part of the reason I was struggling so desperately with my husband’s betrayal was not because of the extramarital sex acts he and his affair partners participated in, because deep down, sex is sex to me and I shoved thoughts of those frivolous, filthy liaisons where … Continue reading Unburying the trauma
The year that felt like a lifetime
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” –author unknown An excerpt from the Sexaholics Anonymous 90 Days of Meditations (SA 2013) written by a recovering addict: SECRETS REVEAL SICKNESS I'm as … Continue reading The year that felt like a lifetime
We are all in pain
If I ever thought I would run out of things to write for my blog, I was mistaken. Even if there is nothing interesting enough to write about going on in my life, other bloggers daily give me ideas of topics to write about. Every day I am either prompted by another’s blog topic, or … Continue reading We are all in pain
And then jet lag happened
“I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing … Continue reading And then jet lag happened
It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
Journal Entry: January 18, 2015 My husband loves me. I know he does. I know he always has. That is not what scares me. On our last day in Tokyo, we had afternoon tea with GQ, his wife, and the little ray of sunshine. Then we walked them to Tokyo Station and said good-bye. We … Continue reading It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
What I wish he had said
"Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process." -Anne Wilson Schaef Journal Entry: January 16, 2015 A couple months ago I asked my husband to write something about his first step that I could post on my blog. He hemmed and hawed and procrastinated and eventually wrote something, and then … Continue reading What I wish he had said
How do I know it isn’t real, part two
Journal Entry, Cont’d: January 15, 2015 The story of Camilla: Winter 2005, Blue Eyes was feeling like shit. His relationship with his family was on a serious downward slide. I was incredibly busy with our kids and my volunteer work. At the time, he was managing four start-up businesses with all the stress that goes … Continue reading How do I know it isn’t real, part two
How do I know it isn’t real, part one
I have been working on this journal entry/post for days now. It has been incredibly difficult for me, and my husband. I suffered numerous bouts of trauma and some self harm while we were in Japan. We are home now and my arm looks like a tiger got it. I hate when I get in that … Continue reading How do I know it isn’t real, part one
try not to cry on my rainbow 