A sky that matches my mood... I have no idea where this is going, which is fairly unlike me. I really need to write now while my husband is away from the house. I need to think my thoughts out loud, in front of you all. It will probably sound crazy in the end, because … Continue reading I need to talk this out, okay?
CPTSD
I could be happy anywhere
Approximately three months ago I put myself on notice in the post The year has come and gone. I am responsible for my happiness. I have made a promise to myself to seek out that happiness and not let anything or anyone get in my way. Happiness used to come so easily to me. I woke up happy … Continue reading I could be happy anywhere
I will not be robbed of my story
“All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them.” Isak Dinesen About six hours ago, we crossed over 15 months since I found out my husband had a decades long secret sex life. The phone call that informed me of his most recent "intermittent" eight year affair is … Continue reading I will not be robbed of my story
“I know how difficult it must be…”
UGH. So what I really wanted to be doing while Blue Eyes is at his weekly Buddhist Meditation Meeting is writing another post about Paris, or even writing a post about how wonderful the recipe turned out that I tried for dinner tonight. The plantain tostadas with chipotle ranchero sauce, cilantro citrus marinated chicken, guacamole, … Continue reading “I know how difficult it must be…”
I can see the crash, but I cannot stop the train
I want to be this really strong and independent woman again, like I was before dday. But, I can now see that it is going to take more time than I had expected. One of the main reasons I did not travel with my husband on business over the years is because I do not … Continue reading I can see the crash, but I cannot stop the train
Reconnecting with Blue Eyes… and with the trauma
It has been more than four days since I posted. That's a long time for me. We have been busy. I was delighted to welcome my husband to Salt Lake City. It felt great being back in his arms. We both immediately felt more grounded and whole. This is a good thing. I desperately missed him … Continue reading Reconnecting with Blue Eyes… and with the trauma
And that would be gaslighting
Monday, February 16, 2015: couple’s therapy Due to traveling schedules, we had not been to see Ms. Second Chance for two weeks. I could barely remember what we talked about last time. I’m pretty sure we left needing to further discuss my thoughts on bringing a period of celibacy back in order for Blue Eyes … Continue reading And that would be gaslighting
It started on Valentine’s Day
Even though I feel stronger than I did a year ago, stronger as a person and stronger in my marriage, I am not sure I will ever be able to go through an entire day without some reference to the hell my husband has put me through. On Valentine’s Day afternoon, our dogs would not … Continue reading It started on Valentine’s Day
Unburying the trauma
Months ago, I was ruminating on the fact that part of the reason I was struggling so desperately with my husband’s betrayal was not because of the extramarital sex acts he and his affair partners participated in, because deep down, sex is sex to me and I shoved thoughts of those frivolous, filthy liaisons where … Continue reading Unburying the trauma
We are all in pain
If I ever thought I would run out of things to write for my blog, I was mistaken. Even if there is nothing interesting enough to write about going on in my life, other bloggers daily give me ideas of topics to write about. Every day I am either prompted by another’s blog topic, or … Continue reading We are all in pain
try not to cry on my rainbow 