I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days
recovering wife of a sex addict
Do you wonder why I run away
This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away
Finding my place to land
I’m not sure what’s going on with me or why writing hasn’t been a priority in my life, but alas, I am back and with the goal of writing more often because, I do enjoy it. I meant to do this post yesterday, and the day before, and nearly every day before that for…. months? … Continue reading Finding my place to land
Seven years
Good Night Moon, 12/31/20 Today marks the 7th anniversary of the phone call. This day holds no specific or magnified trauma for me anymore. I don’t count backwards or forwards from January 11th anymore. I’m not sure how to define healing really. It’s true the path is not linear or smooth. Since the trauma symptoms … Continue reading Seven years
You are going to be okay, part one
A very pretty day in the neighborhood WordPress reminded me last weekend that this blog is now six years old. I started writing about nine months into my healing journey. I had been journaling for months and it took quite a while to put all those words into legitimate, readable blog entries. I finally caught … Continue reading You are going to be okay, part one
They’re talking about me
My sister was talking about me. This would be the sister who shared the same divorced parents, the same childhood experiences, the same trauma. Despite her mental illness, or maybe because of it, she is sharp as a tack. She's insightful, and intuitive, and I know she looks up to me. I'm her big sister, … Continue reading They’re talking about me
Help for spouses of porn addicts
I don’t normally recommend books I haven’t read, but I’m gonna do that today. Recovering Porn Addict While Joshua is taking today off to do Christmas-y things with his family (for some reason the WordPress re-blog wouldn’t work for me, so please link to his blog from above), I’m going to purchase his book and … Continue reading Help for spouses of porn addicts
It still happens
As previously mentioned, yesterday was Blue Eyes' Birthday. We're on vacation. I knew he would need to do some work on this trip because we had arbitration last week, which put us both behind, AND, he can't take a 10-day vacation these days without working. Sad to some, not sad to us. We're short handed … Continue reading It still happens
Midtown mood
We have a number of different views out of our 14th story hotel room here in midtown Manhattan. We're here for business, but also visiting our Brooklyn son. The above is the view I have been staring at most of the day. I don't seem to be able to control my mood here in the … Continue reading Midtown mood
I knew it wasn’t perfect
It was Sunday morning of this past holiday weekend and I was triggered by something, I don't quite remember. It wasn't so much debilitating as it was distracting. Those feelings of not knowing, of my instincts being totally off, for years. Of him telling me about Ashley, the first, how she had worked years before … Continue reading I knew it wasn’t perfect
try not to cry on my rainbow 