This is not a post about Blue Eyes or Sex Addiction. It's a post about my own family of origin and dealing with the dynamics of fallible people making stupid decisions. I do not for one minute think I am anywhere near perfect. I know I have lots and lots of faults, just like everyone … Continue reading Trauma rearing its ugly head again
trauma
I remember
Even though the years have come and gone, and I have healed from the betrayal trauma, I remember. I remember every single day, and every tear shed, and every shooting pain to my heart. I remember every feeling. I still don’t feel like there was anyone in my “real life” that got me, that truly … Continue reading I remember
Be kind to yourself
Welcome Spring: Pink Foxglove I was digging around in my blog when I came across this very old post written by me at about 14 months post discovery. The comment I have copied below was written by a wife of a sex addict who was at about 2.5 years post her discovery. The two of … Continue reading Be kind to yourself
Driven by revenge
“The World's Deadliest Addiction Is Popping Up on Brain Scans. And It's Not Even a Drug. It is revenge...” There’s a Slate article floating around the web, posted back in July of this year written by James Kimmel Jr., author of the book The Science of Revenge, which talks about the world’s deadliest addiction being … Continue reading Driven by revenge
Another day, another cheater
Yesterday I visited my favorite “downtown Ojai” interiors store. I put downtown in quotes because Ojai is a very small town. Barely 8,000 residents, but it has lots going for it, like great shopping (albeit expensive), yummy restaurants, lots of fun events like the Memorial Weekend Arts Fair, a juniors tennis tournament, music festivals, two … Continue reading Another day, another cheater
Give me strength
A beautiful October morning in Portland I’m currently sitting on another plane heading down to Los Angeles. Blue Eyes was supposed to be the one on the plane. He was scheduled to be home for the weekend, to spend a little time in his own home, with me and The Peacemaker and his dog. I … Continue reading Give me strength
Loneliness
All we can hope for is that Blue Eyes’ father feels a little better with us here. It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was … Continue reading Loneliness
A state of shock
My mother in law wasn’t young, and more recently she had become more frail, however, the overwhelming sentiment by every single person upon hearing of her sudden death, is shock and disbelief. I was not the only person who thought she would outlive us all. Her entire life, she was bigger than life. She was … Continue reading A state of shock
Deflection
Winter Wonderland. Drive to the coast. December 2022. “I was shitty to everyone.“ That’s what he said when I mentioned how he treated me. That’s deflection. I used to be a religious follower of the American version of the TV show, “So You Think You Can Dance,’ until BE got rid of cable. Now we … Continue reading Deflection
Be kind
One of my all time favorite photos of my baby, The Peacemaker (Sammy). It just happens to be with the mother-in-law. Quite a pair! Today is my mother-in-law’s 81st birthday. This would be the woman who birthed and raised my incredibly dysfunctional husband. I met her 36 1/2 years ago. She was 44 years old, … Continue reading Be kind
try not to cry on my rainbow 