Journal Entry: February 6 & 7, 2014
Last night, we departed our comfy hammock in the grass hand in hand beneath an amazing star filled sky. We walked back to our gorgeous room overlooking the ocean, and made love. My arms hurt like hell, but my heart soared. I actually got a few hours sleep and it felt good.
Each morning I wake up feeling like I used to feel every other day of my life before D-Day, lighthearted and happy, ready to face another day… and then my new reality slaps me square in the face and I realize my life has been forever tossed into the depths of hell and I want to throw the covers over my head and wave a magic wand and be someone else. I want to be someone whose husband actually loves and cherishes her so much that he would never so much as look at another woman in a sexual way, much less have multiple affairs over multiple years. Ugh.
This morning I woke up with that same happy, smiley feeling. I realized we were in paradise just a split second before it dawned on me that my life sucks and my arms feel like they are on fire. The only reason I really had to get up at all was because we had a breakfast meeting on property. I actually chose a long sleeve cotton shirt to wear to cover up my embarrassing self inflicted wounds. Covering the scratches physically hurts, but I think leaving them uncovered for all the world to see is going to hurt much more, so I cover them for now. Even with the scratches, I am feeling better and figuring that although my arms are not going to go anywhere near salt water today, at least I can lie out by the pool and luxuriate in sunshine. After all, after checking Facebook this morning, I could see there was a snow storm brewing back home and I was happy to be in blissful 80 degree sunshine.
As we are walking out the door of our hotel room, B stops dead in his tracks and just stares at his mobile phone. I mean he is literally frozen there. I ask him what’s wrong and he just hands me his phone. There is a text from her.
And here is what the text says:
hey QT pi…
WTF. What, is she a fucking pre-teen now? The woman is fucking 57 years old and she texts that, out of nowhere? Even if she had spelled it out, I still would have thought it incredibly bizarre and demented. Remember, this is the woman my husband has not spoken to or seen in almost six months. When my husband told this woman that their “relationship” was over for good, and that he would never contact her again, she asked him if something “happened” to his wife (not if we got divorced or something civil like that, but some Lifetime Movie shit like if something HAPPENED to me), would he be with her and he told her no, he would not, and meant it. He finally got the balls to stop this insanely dysfunctional sexcapade with an old hoarding alcoholic and she immediately became belligerent and then violent and she called him a fucking asshole over and over. And now this.
I told him to delete it and block her number from everything. If she was texting him, she had to be using her phone number, block the damn thing. So he did and we went to our meeting. My half way decent mood from the night before vanished, poof, just like that.
Later that evening while I was sleeping, he sent her the following text message from a generic Skype account that cannot be replied to:
I will never have a relationship with you. There is no future with you.
Never try to reach me or my family. I will never contact you after this message.
My interaction with you was the result of childhood trauma(s) and addictions. I am being treated for my mental illness/disease and am in recovery. I have told my family of my various infidelities and addictive self sabotaging patterns.
I love my wife and family. Never contact me or my family ever again.
He told me about it the next day. My first thought was, uh oh, we are not supposed to have contact with the crazy ass eff’d up old lady hoarding delusional alcoholic acting out partner that he had sex with for eight years. But then I was happy he had taken the time to figure out a way to send her a message she could not reply to and I really, really hope she just stops all this nonsense and disappears off the face of the earth….