A ray of sunshine

I have been inspired by a betrayed spouse blogger and his incredibly happy and positive post today.

Anyone reading my blog knows that I was recently in Japan. Japan holds a lot of triggers for me and I still have one more journal entry I wrote in Japan that will be very painful to post… but in the meantime, I am happy to say that I am writing a happy post today.

There is a precious baby girl in Japan that firmly holds my heart in her little hand. She is two months old and every minute I spent with her last week, I held her little body against mine and drank in her sunshine. I smelled her dark brown hair, and kissed her chubby little cheeks and she smiled at me all the way up into her deep brown eyes. She mostly slept and when she was awake, she was content to just stare at the closest face (mine), or any light shining within her sight. Every once in a while she would let out a little whimper, and my brother would call that crying, ha. My brother is beyond elated with his sweet little daughter. He randomly calls her sugar bear, and baby bear, and tells her she smells spicy. It is the cutest thing.

My baby brother left for Tokyo about 21 years ago, the year after my younger son was born. My brother (let’s call him GQ because he rarely wears anything that isn’t well designed and impeccably tailored, usually sporting a Gucci or Prada label) was heavily influenced by my husband, having no older brothers, and having met my husband when GQ was 12 years old. GQ was 16 when Blue Eyes and I got married. At this point, Blue Eyes had already lived in Japan, as had I. GQ learned Japanese at college and upon graduating, left for Japan in search of a job. The first family he stayed with in Japan, the family of a friend he met at college, lived in a large beautiful home in Tokyo with marble bathrooms, a yard, and a full-sized Mercedes sedan in their driveway, nearly unheard of in the middle of Tokyo. He then worked for the CEO of a music company as his personal assistant/translator and he traveled the world staying in amazing suites, eating the finest foods and drinking the most exquisite champagne in Paris, Rome, New York, Cannes… you name it. He wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but he certainly strived to live a life like he had been. It was amazing to watch this young man as he seemingly glided through life. How did he get so lucky? I am sure he would say it was hard work, not luck, but I have watched him since he was born, with his golden hair and beautiful blue eyes, people respond to him. He even acted in a Japanese television commercial his first year there, but he did not like the experience, so didn’t pursue it further. Blue Eyes and I spent our 20’s building a family and building a business. We had no money. GQ swore he was going to travel the world while he was young and worry about settling down and having a family later, and that is what he did.

When GQ was in his early 30’s he found the woman of his dreams at the company he worked for, the company they both still work for. He still travels the world, but in a much more subdued manner and his job is serious and his expenses are monitored. His wife is a year older. They were married in 2005 and decided since they were already 32 and 33 that they should try right away for a child. All those years of traveling the world and waiting to settle down had caught up with them. Unfortunately, after years of trying numerous infertility drugs and nearly $100,000 worth of in-vitro, nothing. As of the beginning of last year, we thought they had stopped trying, he being 41 and his wife, 42. But then, we got the most amazing phone call last June. They had waited to tell us as they were so worried their dream would be snatched away from them as soon as they shared it, but thankfully, they delivered a beautiful, full term, healthy baby girl the first week of November. I cannot imagine being 43 years old and the mother of an infant, but women do it every day.

The little ray of sunshine was my reason for getting on a plane, flying thousands of miles, and spending time in a city that is tarnished with the memories of a life my husband once lived. That little ray of sunshine filled my heart with joy and when I was with her, she wiped away every sad and traumatic thought in my head. I wish I could be with her always.

I would like to post a picture of that little ray of sunshine here on my blog, but if my brother ever found out, he would kill me. 🙂

9 thoughts on “A ray of sunshine

  1. Pingback: The land of the rising sun | try not to cry on my rainbow

  2. Pingback: Showers | try not to cry on my rainbow

  3. How precious. It’s amazing how sweet moments of life cannot tarnish broken hearted memories. April has been so sucky to me the last couple of years, but no matter what my husband can do to drain out our marriage, tarnish our family, this relationship Easter always came around the corner.

    And last April when I was called to be notified of my husband’s nonsense with that person, was the year that our son insisted on being baptized on Easter.

    That boy is the flower in the cracks of concrete for me hell they all are. I love the description of soaking in a baby’s sunshine..

    I need to do that more often ❤ Thanks for the reminder 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I have written posts about how much I adore my two (grown now) boys. I have great memories and they truly are the flowers growing through the cracks in the concrete! Love the image that conjures. We should always have something like Easter, and going to see my niece, to look forward to. Hugs to you NH.

      Liked by 1 person

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