I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days
finding happiness
Do you wonder why I run away
This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away
That time I got the shingles
I had a stressful summer. I’ve been trying to de-stress by doing some things I enjoy, The Peacemaker gifted me a landscape painting class for Mother’s Day. I diligently attended the online classes, but then all hell broke loose with my sister and I never actually completed the assignment for that class. It’s still on … Continue reading That time I got the shingles
Finding my place to land
I’m not sure what’s going on with me or why writing hasn’t been a priority in my life, but alas, I am back and with the goal of writing more often because, I do enjoy it. I meant to do this post yesterday, and the day before, and nearly every day before that for…. months? … Continue reading Finding my place to land
Hyper sensitivity
These thoughts have been swirling around in my head for a while now. Not sure any of this will make a whole lot of sense. They weren't prompted by any one person, or any one recent incident, but merely a conglomeration of things that have been happening in my life, things I have read on … Continue reading Hyper sensitivity
Let me be clear
Blue Eyes reads this blog. Every entry, and most comments. I am always bluntly honest with my feelings, the feelings I am feeling at the time I sit down to write. Feelings change, people change (yes, they do), but I guess what I am saying is, what you read here is the real deal. This … Continue reading Let me be clear
Lost identity
In the shower this morning I realized I am having an identity crisis. I have written so much here on my blog. I have spilled out who I am, what has happened to me both before and after I found out about my husband's secret life, how I feel about addiction, how I feel about … Continue reading Lost identity
Seeking happiness
Even after all I have shared here, I consider this post to be one of the most difficult to write. This blog entry is being prompted by current happenings in our little family, and also by blogs and other articles I have read over the past two years, some as recently as yesterday. Our younger son … Continue reading Seeking happiness
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
I hope you dance
I spent about a half hour yesterday with a lovely young woman. She's so young in fact that she is younger than my younger son. Her life experiences are minimal. She knows about Blue Eyes and our situation. She knows he is a sex addict and she is so sweet and understanding and compassionate towards … Continue reading I hope you dance
try not to cry on my rainbow 