Yeah, so the above reminds me of a bunch of men in my life, not just Blue Eyes.
I am happy to report that we had a Father’s Day barbecue at our house and I prepared everything (except the strawberry pie for my step father because he loves anything strawberry, which was purchased from a local bakery) and I was practical about what I could accomplish and I didn’t over do it and everything was healthy (except the strawberry pie). I did not experience any triggers. I did not resent anyone, not even Blue Eyes. I wanted to do this. Even though it was Father’s Day, Blue Eyes did do a lot of work helping me grocery shop and then getting the deck ready for guests. He even washed all the cushion covers for the patio furniture. I am so happy I got out there and planted all my pots over the past couple weeks. The deck looked amazing. We did all this work so that my step father wouldn’t feel compelled to drag his cancer ravaged body out to his own barbecue and prepare a feast for a bunch of people on the day that is really about honoring him. I know he likes to do everything so the rest of us can relax, but he needs to stop. We are so happy to still have him with us 2 1/2 years since they found the cancer in his spine, and he is not on death’s door by any means, the guy is a beast, but he needs to conserve his precious energy. He is a go-getter. A never sit down kind of guy with an active metabolism. A body can only do so much even if the mind is going along just fine. My brother Peter was also at our house. About a month ago he had a bone marrow transplant to treat his Leukemia. He was in great spirits, he looked a little less emaciated, and he smiled, a lot. His numbers, so far, are looking good. He has no hair pretty much anywhere on his body, but it didn’t seem to bother him one little bit. My only regret, that I didn’t make the strawberry dessert myself. For fear of illness, he cannot yet eat foods prepared outside the home.
Blue Eyes left towards the end of dessert to attend his Buddhist Meditation. He asked if I wanted him to stay, but I really wanted him to be able to go to his meeting and not feel compelled to stay until guests left and then feel obligated to help clean up. Neither of our boys are home this year. The Pragmatist is busy working 3-4 jobs (depending on the week) and living in Brooklyn, and Sammy was working a music festival about three hours away. Blue Eyes needed to be doing something for himself on this day. Despite it all, he’s a wonderful Dad and should be able to take great pride in where he is right now in his recovery. Our boys know he is working hard.
I said good-bye to our guests, then I called my Dad and wished him a happy Dad’s day. He lives in another state. I left a message. The guy was probably on the phone with one of his other eight children. I’m lucky to have so many wonderful Dads in my life.
When Blue Eyes returned from his meditation, he was in a great mood. He thanked me for an amazing day… I didn’t get him anything, not even a card as our boys are old enough to do what they want for their dad on father’s day and even though I think he is a great dad to our kids, he is not my dad and I would rather just give him a love note every now and again than support crazy commercial holidays, so… I didn’t “get” him anything. But I did show him genuine love and respect and no triggers and no tears and he totally appreciated it. I made him breakfast and dinner and I cleaned up the whole mess while he was across town in a room with his Buddhist friends getting in touch with who he is and who he wants to be.
We actually got through a family holiday at our house and everyone was happy and they loved the healthy food. It all worked out. I am having an amazingly peaceful and happy and SUNNY Monday. Peace, all.