Wow, it’s been a while. It’s August already. How did that happen? I missed a whole month here on the blog. I have been trying to keep up with the few blogs I follow. Please know that I am here and I feel the pain. I remember all the stages, vividly.
I am thrilled and dismayed at the number of wives of sex addicts blogs that exist now versus when I started blogging. Thrilled only because now there is a community here that truly understands. Under the circumstances, feeling alone and misunderstood is a miserable place to be. Having even a few people who get it, makes a world of difference.
Honestly, when I first put pen to paper, so to speak, I could only find two wives of sex addict blogs and very few commenters on my own blog that could relate to my unique situation. This was less than four years ago, and yet, sex addiction has been around quite a while. People just weren’t writing about it. The blogs I found were pretty defunct and I wasn’t confident enough to even comment back then. I was lost, broken, destroyed actually. I stuck pretty close to betrayed wives blogs (with no apparent SA component) and found a solid, loving, caring group of mostly women who tried to understand me and my situation with the sex addiction component, but they for sure understood the betrayal component.
Even though it seems like infidelity and divorce are so common place these days as to be more common than honesty, loyalty, and fidelity, I actually know a lot of happily married couples. No one’s marriage is perfect. Life is hard, but some very much do get to take for granted that their spouse is at the very least, faithful. I’m not part of that group. Apparently I never was. I have had to come to terms with the fact that my husband is an addict. We all have choices. I have chosen to stay.
Blogs come and go. Marriages heal, or they don’t. Divorce is real. People stop blogging eventually if they feel it keeps them mired in the trauma, or they just move on from the need to write regularly. We all understand this. Unfortunately, addiction doesn’t just go away. Addiction recovery is part of our daily life. It will never be in the rearview. I get this and I’m okay with it. Ignoring the obvious doesn’t really solve anything. The most valuable lesson I have learned, however, is that it is not my addiction. I don’t have to focus on it. My husband will or won’t stay sober. I have no control over what he does, but I do my best to take care of myself first, and to also understand how important his recovery is, and to accommodate his needs. I have diabetes and Blue Eyes does his best to accommodate me and my needs. Some days are better than others, but life is good!
There were so many days in the first two years post discovery when I couldn’t imagine those words coming out of my mouth. And I am so very grateful for the friends I have made here. Dozens of pen pals (by way of email, text, messenger, etc…) and connections on Instagram and Facebook, but perhaps my favorite are the amazing women I have met in person through this blog. Some are wives of sex addicts, some are betrayed wives, some are with their husbands, and some are not. One lovely woman is neither the wife of a sex addict nor a betrayed spouse. She’s someone wanting to help a friend, and happened upon this blog. I could not have predicted the fact that 4 1/2 years after thinking my life was over, I would know such amazing women and call some of them close friends. I feel so honored. I mean it’s not for nothing that I travel all the way from the Pacific Northwest of the United States to New Zealand to meet one of my all time favorite people!
Thank you blogging community for helping to make me whole again. I am forever grateful.
I have much more to write about, but for now, I’m going to sign off with a link to the birthday cake I made for my sister’s 50th birthday this past weekend. This is the most delicious cake I have ever made. My older son, The Pragmatist, found this recipe a few years ago and this is the second time we’ve made it for my sister’s birthday. Disclaimer: we are chocoholics. Those who don’t love chocolate need not read any further. This cake is absolutely divine. Decadent deep chocolate cake covered in rich ganache and frosted with chocolate buttercream. Oh my!
My sister and I both love forest animals and she especially loves foxes. I hopped on Etsy and ordered up a couple fun decorations and voila. A cute cake for a childlike 50 year old and her equally childish 55 year old sister.
If you decide to make this cake… I’ll be right over. You’ll need my help to finish it off. It’s THAT rich! 😁