Last month we spent nine days in Hawaii. Mostly I wanted to just relax, bask in the sunshine, walk along the beach, devour afternoon snacks by the pool. We didn’t have a rental car and weren’t near any actual town, just in a resort area, so we stayed put, all nine days. Paradise!
Since we were “stuck” at the Four Seasons (ha ha, FS Resorts are AMAZING!), we ate a lot of good, fresh, healthy food.
Everything seems so perfect, right? Well, I was having a fabulous time of it, and Blue Eyes was with me, but working quite a bit. I asked him often if he was accomplishing anything. Who goes to paradise to be hunkered over a laptop all day? Not me, that’s for sure. I didn’t even take my laptop.
Once again, not a surprise that Blue Eyes had his laptop. His work is what affords us luxurious travel, but there has got to be some compromise. He was up early many days to take conference calls. He had presentations to review and docs to prepare… but, it seemed like he wasn’t really accomplishing much. He was hyper, distracted, and wanting sex all the time, when he wasn’t working that is.
About halfway through the week, I was listening to my music, relaxing by the pool, contemplating my next snack, Blue Eyes at my side in a big, cushy double size day bed by the adult pool, when a woman walked by who caught Blue Eyes attention. He didn’t stare when she was approaching, but once her backside was to him, he stared without pulling his eyes away until she was on her lounge chair on the other side of the pool. Now, I see men do this ALL THE TIME. Blatantly STARE at a woman as she passes. Many times women know they are being stared at. It makes some of us (me) quite uncomfortable, while I know others get an ego boost. I really do find it quite vulgar and crude, not appealing. A subtle glance is one thing. A long stare, quite another. For my husband, the recovering sex addict, it’s disgusting and very wrong. “Funny” thing too, there were lots of gorgeous bodies at that pool, day in, day out, but the woman Blues decides to ogle at is an overweight 40 something in a one piece with a rather large derrière. I did like her swimsuit. It was modest, but in no way covered this woman’s assets.
When Blue Eyes eventually went back to looking at his laptop he didn’t even look towards me to see if I had noticed his indiscretion. Nope, just stayed right there, inside himself, inside that warped brain not acknowledging at all that he had done something wrong. During the entire minute-long ass stare down, Blue Eyes didn’t care if anyone knew his secret, it was just him and that body part. HIT!
I did not just let it go. I mentioned to Blue Eyes that I had seen him stare at the woman. At that point (and not before), he snapped out of it, out of the addictive haze. Some readers not familiar with sex addiction might think I am making something out of nothing. All guys stare. Nope. Blue Eyes crossed one of his own boundaries. Those boundaries are there for a reason. Sex addicts AREN’T like regular people. Blue Eyes acknowledged his error and went about enlisting his resources. He headed off to meditate with the on-site Buddha, leaving his laptop and taking his 12 step materials with him. I stayed and luxuriated by the pool. Blue Eyes crossing that simple boundary was not unexpected. It all started with his bad habits, the overworking, the ridiculous sex drive. He tried to do better as the week progressed.
As our vacation came to an end, I desperately wanted to stay, but knew I couldn’t. While Blue Eyes was checking us out and ordering the Uber, I watched a scene from an episode of Magnum PI being filmed at one of the resort restaurants. We had an amazing time overall.
Then, we headed to the airport, where things fell apart. We got on our plane for home, sat in our seats… and sat, and sat, and sat. Mechanical difficulties. We were unloaded from the hot plane, back into the airport where we waited and waited. I was tempted to head back to the hotel.
It was then that I noticed a 20ish blonde, tan, gorgeous, with a knock out figure and almost no clothes on. Clearly no bra and the top of her mini dress barely covering her perfect breasts. A real beauty. My first thought, why would anyone dress so provocatively in a public place. Blue Eyes was in front of me, as we passed the girl, she smiled at Blue Eyes and then she perused me up and down and gave me the look. The look mean girls give when they have just stolen your boyfriend. FUCK ME!!! I was not in the mood for this shit. I ignored her and Blue Eyes found us a place to sit and wait.
I asked my husband if he had stared at that girl. He had the nerve to say “what girl,” with that kind of dumb, innocent look. Which of course just increased my frustration. Bottom line: yes he had stared, AND SMILED. Ah fuck. I was tired. I pointed out that what he did was sick. Did he really think she wanted him (delusional)? Truth is, he doesn’t think. I also pointed out that his look and creepy smile validated her ridiculous outfit, and made me look like a woman who can’t keep her husband happy so he has to smile at scantily clad girls the age of his children. I’m so sick of this game. Why is his instinct not to immediately look away from all of that??? Maybe if every time he looked or stared or smiled he was stabbed in the dick with a big hot poker? Maybe then he would stop.
I ignored him most of the flight home. No point beating a dead horse. He knew he did wrong. Maybe he’ll do better next time.