As Blue Eyes and I were packing up at our midtown NYC hotel room this past Sunday I received a distressing phone call from a friend. I was already stressed out as the front desk staff and the housekeeping staff were having major communication issues and even though we have a guaranteed 2pm check out at this particular hotel chain (due to rewards status, which is why some of us try to be loyal customers, and why rewards systems are set up in the first place, right???), Blue Eyes had verified the 2pm checkout, and informed housekeeping of this fact, but apparently they REALLY needed to get into our room.
At 1:15pm housekeeping proceeded to knock violently on our door and then when Blue Eyes yelled through the door as he was dripping wet in a towel (I was on the phone), that he had a late checkout, housekeeping didn’t answer him, but returned a few minutes later with SECURITY, to get us out of the room. There was no way Blue Eyes was opening the door for security (and again, I was on the phone), so he called down to the front desk to ask them to please stop harassing us while we were trying to pack. We had been there for four days. It was really nuts. Meanwhile, I was struggling to connect with my friend. I had texted her apologizing for not having the time to get together while in the city. She had texted me a couple short bursts, then called me. Totally unexpected as we rarely talk on the phone. I had her on speaker phone while I was frantically packing and Blue Eyes was battling with housekeeping.
The story goes like this. I met Nina on my healthy Southern sojourn Spring 2018. We walked, we talked, we met up in New York City a couple months later. She’s 20+ years younger than me, but that didn’t seem to matter at all. On our first walk together, she told me of how she had struggled with eating disorders for years and how upon arriving to the South (the summer before I met her) she was a total mess. After battling eating disorders since adolescence, she was at her heaviest weight and felt disgusted with herself and horrible about life in general and her long-term boyfriend had recently been diagnosed as a sex addict. I KID YOU NOT. I am like a sex addict partner magnet. For real! They had broken up and she was still heartbroken. She had worked her ass off to lose something like 75 pounds in six months and she was a workout machine. She had not only lost a lot of weight, but she had become incredibly fit in the process. She continued to return to the south for “tune-ups.” I met her on one of those return visits.
Fast forward to Sunday. As it turns out, nearly the entire time Nina was in and out of the south, what totals about two years at this point, she had been having an affair with a married man. A local man, Nina’s age, married to his high school sweetheart, and with a young daughter. He claimed he was in a loveless marriage. He claimed his wife didn’t understand him. He claimed they never had sex anymore. He claimed he loved Nina and that he wanted nothing more than to be with her for the rest of his life. That is what he said. Nina, having been very recently out of a dysfunctional relationship was swept off her feet, and she was incredibly vulnerable. She knew all along he was married, but she believed what he said. After the affair was two years old, she pushed for him to tell his wife that he was leaving her. The realities of the situation started to dawn on the married man and he became really stressed out. He became more difficult to get ahold of. He didn’t always answer her calls anymore. He started ignoring her texts. Nina was traveling back and forth to the south to see the married man, the healthful tune-ups although partially true, were mostly a cover. When she was away from him, she was incredibly lonely and depressed. When he became harder to reach, she got frantic.
A couple months ago everything came to a head. Nina called and called, but the married man didn’t answer. Nina proceeded to call, text, email, continuously. Prior to this they had talked every day. When they had been apart, he would ring her at 7am every day with an I Love You wake up call. In her desperation to reach her lover, she called his parents’ house asking about the married man. She told them she was a friend who had suddenly lost touch and was worried about him. She sent the married man’s wife a message on Facebook messenger saying the same thing… she was a friend who had lost touch. The married man finally called Nina back. He told her he was going to tell his wife everything. The married man quit his job (not wanting to face his co-workers when they found out he was cheating on his wife), and he then went home and he did tell his wife and parents that he had been having an affair with Nina and that he wanted a divorce. This is, at least, what he told Nina he had done. Things went sideways from there.
At this point, the married man cut off all communication with Nina. He blocked her calls and texts. He blocked her on social media. Nina was frantic and in her quest for information she found out that the wife had gone “a bit crazy.” She had begged her husband to go to counseling, to make it work. She threatened, custody of the daughter was on the line, and she got an attorney. And, because Nina had sent her a message on messenger, and she had contacted the wife’s in-laws (the married man’s parents), the wife got a restraining order on Nina. She said she had her daughter to protect.
The married man now has a new job. He is no longer with his wife, but he is not with Nina either. Nina has spiraled down the rabbit hole. She’s depressed, and sad, and angry, and well, she thought I would never want to talk to her again, because, she’s the other woman. And she’s pretty sure she understands how I feel about other women.
Well, she’s not MY other woman, and even if she was, I would set her straight. People lie. People cheat. I told her as much on the phone. She said, BUT, we’re like soulmates. We’re meant for each other. He told me his marriage was over. He told me he could never love anyone else like he loves me. I bet he said those same words to his wife, too, at one point in time. Nina knew he was married but somehow she convinced herself that she was different. It was MEANT to be. Hindsight is pretty obvious on this one… the marriage is over when the signed divorce papers are in hand, and not a moment before. Don’t believe otherwise.
The thing that gets me about this story is… Nina made a big, huge mistake. Pretty sure she knows that now. Pretty sure the wife thinks she also made a big huge mistake, quite a few years ago. But guess who’s now a “free” man, leaving two broken hearts in his wake. Yep, he’s theoretically out of his marriage, and maybe Nina isn’t the one for him after all. I mean, she sorta stalked his wife, and family. Meanwhile Nina is going back to the south for a court date, to fight the restraining order. I know she wants to tell her side of the story, but, mistresses don’t usually garner a lot of sympathy. Nina’s attorney has also warned her about the alienation of affections law tort that still exists in North Carolina. It’s a bizarre law by which the wife could potentially sue Nina for causing her divorce. It’s all very complicated and unsavory.
I wonder what the real statistics are. The numbers on how many mistresses actually end up with their man. This story isn’t over yet. Who knows what will happen. I put my money on neither the wife or Nina ending up with him.