This morning a 20-something hazmat clean up crew guy tells me there is no way he believes I am over 50 years old. Thank you kind young man, you made my day. But it didn’t last long. And the fact that a hazmat crew is at my house hits me like a ton of bricks.
I went downtown for work and realized I’m not okay. Every spot on the pavement looks like blood. Every stranger seems like they are high on meth. The world is closing in on me. I feel like a zombie. I want to just lay my head down on my desk and sleep. I’m dizzy and distracted and don’t feel well.
Maybe I need to go home and take a nap.
What’s really important right now anyway? But is home the place to be? News crews are actually showing up at the house, for photos, and videos, and interviews. Our dogs bark at every little thing. I think they realize the guy they let put them out in the yard wasn’t supposed to be there. Before fleeing the property, our son found them huddled in the backyard. So out of character for them.
I’m sure the smell of blood in the house was overwhelming to them. Their sense of smell is so much stronger. The family room we walk through from the garage every day is unrecognizable. The picture window is boarded up, the carpet is chopped up, sofa cushions are missing, the upholstered coffee table is gone. He bled over numerous items throughout the room, so there is emptiness everywhere.
Our mini Aussie normally plops himself on the sofa in front of that big picture window in the family room and watches the neighborhood throughout the day. What’s left of the sofa is shoved against a wall, the picture window is boarded up. I found our golden retriever just sitting in there this morning, staring at the missing carpet.
Home invasion. That’s what they call it. Someone came into our house, took off his clothes, broke stuff, cut himself all up. All while my precious son was in the house. I am so so thankful everyone is okay, but there is nothing like the feeling of knowing your child is in danger and you aren’t there to help him. It’s good to know that our child is smart enough to get out of danger’s way, but it doesn’t take away the fact that he was actually in danger’s way.
Pretty sure this guy was high on meth and didn’t mean to cause anyone any harm, but who knows. We’re very lucky it ended the way it did. Everyone is safe, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatizing. Somehow I made it through yesterday on adrenaline. It’s hitting me hard right now. I should be working, but I can’t seem to focus.
Maybe I should just head to the beach house.