Help for spouses of porn addicts

I don’t normally recommend books I haven’t read, but I’m gonna do that today.

Recovering Porn Addict

While Joshua is taking today off to do Christmas-y things with his family (for some reason the WordPress re-blog wouldn’t work for me, so please link to his blog from above), I’m going to purchase his book and recommend others do the same, if able.

Why am I doing this? Well mainly because I would like to see Joshua’s book knock the current leader “How To Eat A Banana — The Art of Oral Pleasure: Learn How to Give Head Like a Porn Star” off the sexual health recovery leader board on the best seller list. Is that for real??? I’m not going to go find out.

Anyway, the link to where to purchase his book is there on his blog. I think maybe it’s still pre-sales, but now’s the time to buy, per Joshua. Read about it on his blog.

Meantime, I’m hanging in there. The intruder in our house was released from jail earlier this week and his charge was reduced to another misdemeanor because they say there was no intent to steal or harm anyone. Yeah, our system is broken.

I managed to pull off another delicious Thanksgiving meal for the family. I purchased rolls & pies, but made everything else from scratch. My step dad made a waldorf salad. How cute is that?!Everyone’s gone home now. Time for a nap.

Thanksgiving night sunset

Oh, and I’ve made an appointment with the Los Angeles trauma therapist for December. It’s time. I need the help.

❤️

24 thoughts on “Help for spouses of porn addicts

  1. No food pic of your step-dad’s Waldorf salad? LOL Trying for some levity. ❤

    Agreed on people medicating things. Adrenaline-junkies too. Cell phones, gaming… some behaviors aren't a problem, but if "the problem" is causing a person internal conflict, health issues, and "the problem" (or behavior) causes relationship problems, well, then it's a problem, whether someone calls it an addiction or not, or whether their therapist "gets it" or not. Still a big problem, and people deserve better than what is available to the masses. Many people have no access to properly-trained help.

    After I learned more about porn addiction, sex addiction, cheating, lying, soothing behaviors/secret lives – whatever label – you know what bugs me a lot about porn? The people trafficked, threatened, abused, etc. Females, males, kids… it just twists my guts. And I'm not saying this to shame anyone – just saying what hits me. Human rights. And then people/users get aroused by it – and a good deal of it is violent. That's not normal, loving human sexual behavior. The brain really gets hyper-stimulated (humans aren't designed for this stuff, evolutionally).

    Hugs, Kat – for your LA trauma work. And good luck to Joshua.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, beleeme, the time I always forget to take pics of the food is when I’m entertaining. I don’t think I’ve ever made waldorf salad. My step-dad did such a nice job, lining a beautiful ceramic bowl with nice lettuce leaves. He was so proud of himself. He had made the same salad for my mom’s bunco group last month and the ladies just gushed over it. 😂 Of course they did! He’s adorable. 👨🏻‍🦳 We just celebrated 6 years since diagnosis of the prostate cancer in his spine. The man is amazing! Healthiest sick person ever!

      And yes, porn is one of those “little” secrets no one really wants to talk about, or it’s minimized. For many many years BE relied pretty solely on flirting and porn/masturbation (of course I knew nothing, I hate that I always feel compelled to use this disclaimer). The actual affairs came later, and he actually felt like he had things under control when he was “just” using porn. Clueless.

      It’s my understanding that Joshua’s book speaks to both the addict and the spouse. I’m looking forward to receiving my copy later this week. For a couple years post dday nearly everything I read triggered and traumatized me. Some books written by or for spouses literally made me sick. It seemed there was no hope at all. I’ve learned better and healed a lot. I still don’t read much about sex addiction as I live with the reality every day and instinctively knew I needed to focus on my own situation. The trauma therapy was instrumental for me. We are all different and our needs are different. My LA appointment doesn’t coincide with our business trip there this next week/dinner with the in-laws, but I was so relieved she was able to fit me in the following week. It’s worth the extra trip! xoxo

      Liked by 3 people

      • I love your description of your step-dad’s Waldorf salad. Sounds like a lovely man! Cheers to his continued health!

        UGH. “Just” porn. It really messes up their brain. Badly! Sigh.

        Yep. Some resources help and others don’t; we truly do have different needs. Some of the earlier “stuff” written for the partner was abusive. Flat out. The writers didn’t do that on purpose. Ignorance. APSATS and Minwalla have helped the ignorance issue A LOT.

        I’m so glad you have some “me time” with your LA therapist.

        Hugs, Kat.

        Liked by 1 person

        • He is amazing. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful person in my life. And, yes. I’m booking my travel to LA right now. Knowing I have this therapy in my near future will keep me sane and upright until I’m able to unload and process. xoxo

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for posting this and for saying you’ll buy a copy. The simple mental boost that I get from seeing one sold cancels out the doubt that I’m wasting my time preaching about pornography addiction.

    The book goes live tomorrow and I’ll be taking part in a Reddit AMA starting at noon tomorrow and lasting at least a couple of hours.

    Liked by 3 people

                • Right???? What is wrong with this world we live in? Porn is a complicated topic, I get it, but so is alcohol, and so are recreational drugs…. to an addict, likewise food, sugar, gambling, etc… all things simplified, shoved under the rug, or even glorified! We’re all medicating something, but to what degree is our medication hurting ourselves and others. They let the schizophrenic meth addict who broke into our house go on a lesser charge because he’s an honorably discharged 31 year old vet who says he has a job and a real address. Um, okay. When they let him go, his two most recent ASSAULTS weren’t in the system yet. Or some such nonsense. The guy needs help and he’s not getting it. Our system is broken in so many ways!

                  I hope you found an awesome Christmas tree!!!

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • It was -10 with the wind chill. I did not care what the tree looked like when I was laying on the ground cutting it. My wife and daughter pick and I do the grunt work.

                    Totally agree with you about the system. I met so many people in jail who probably could have turned things around in a system that cared about mental health.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Very cool. Hopefully continued sales this first week, especially with publicity from your co-author, will keep you there. The banana book has to go!

                      And good for you for getting that tree home with no frost bite! My son still has all the subzero clothing we purchased him when he went off to Maine. Not needed much over here in the other Portland.

                      Lots of Christmas tree farms here in Oregon too, but I have never been a fan of having a tree in my house (I end up cleaning it up after the holiday). I married a jew, so that worked for years. My parents always did up Christmas with all the trimmings including a trip to the tree farm with my boys. Now they are old, well, not THAT old, but we do most of the celebrating at our beach house. My sons and our oldest’s girlfriend have picked up a tree the past couple years usually a couple days before Christmas. They all find it rather funny… two jews and a hindu go to the Christmas tree lot. The last couple years they have come up with some surprisingly nice noble firs. Enjoy the decorating!

                      Liked by 1 person

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