Being at our beach house has reminded me that when I was here at the end of August, I ended up speaking with Wendy (Over Wendy’s dead body) for quite a while. She’s definitely not dead. She is, however, a bit devastated by the fact that she put up with crazy Ken (her husband of 32 years and father of their 4 children), just to have him leave her in a huff during the first month of the Covid pandemic.
Wendy sees a therapist, mostly I think, to deal with being married to Kenny, and at the end of March 2020, Kenny informed Wendy that he needed to go to her therapy appointment with her. At the start of that appointment he stood up, said he wanted a divorce, informed Wendy that she is a miserable person to live with, and he just couldn’t take it anymore, and stormed out. He has not been back to their home, nor has he seen their children since that day. Wendy was confused, and frustrated, and just plain dumbfounded by his sudden and angry outburst, and exit from their lives. The children are sad, angry, and disillusioned.
A couple weeks after Kenny walked out, it became obvious that he had, in fact, left Wendy for another woman. Of course he did. She’s a divorced woman, much younger than Kenny, with two small children and is apparently quite disturbed. The kids found out about her because she texted all four of them, not Wendy, but the kids ranging in age from 19-30, a photo of her and their father in bed together, announcing herself as their dad’s new girlfriend. Pretty sure Wendy is correct in saying this woman has no class and is mentally ill.
I don’t know Wendy well, but I could see the despair on her face. The tell-tale signs of utter confusion and disbelief, and pain. The pain of sharing 30+ years of your life with a stranger. She expressed how she had NEVER, in all the years she was married to Kenny, discussed their sex life with anyone, but now things were starting to coalesce in her mind. Things from their courtship, like the day Kenny told her she would never need to give him oral sex. They were in their 20’s. She assumed he had an aversion to it. Well, turns out, after spending some money on a private investigator, Wendy now knows that Kenny saves that sexual behavior for women who get paid to do that sort of thing, and he has hired prostitutes for oral sex their entire marriage. She was clueless. I 100% believe her, and feel her pain.
I told her very briefly a truncated version of Blue Eyes and his story, our story. With tears in her eyes, she said, “but he admits there’s something wrong with him, right? He’s getting help? He doesn’t blame you? If Kenny would just admit he has issues and get help for himself I might understand better, but he’s totally blaming me. I’ve raised his four kids, loved him even with all his craziness, supported him through multiple failed businesses and somehow this is all my fault?”
Ugh. I feel for her. All their money is hers, a large inheritance. Apparently Kenny’s father died when Kenny was quite young. Kenny was the baby of the family. The mother spoiled him rotten and he could do no wrong. He had no male role model. Wendy mentioned the Madonna/whore complex. She’s confused and desperate for answers. I suggested a few options, but she broke down and said she just can’t talk about it anymore. She needs to get through the divorce and take care of her children. They were at the beach house celebrating her 3rd daughter’s birthday. A daughter who took an overdose of pills last year. She’s worried for her kids.
Meanwhile, Kenny is on his 3rd divorce attorney. He keeps getting fired. I didn’t know attorneys fired their clients. No wonder he’s in a bad place. He’s apparently been in a bad place for a very long time although of course you wouldn’t know it from his Facebook. He claims to be living the good life…
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this journey I’ve been on for nearly 8 years, it’s that we all have demons. It’s really about how we face those demons that matter. Kenny is not doing such a swell job, and he has now caused a lot of pain and suffering. It’s a sad but not uncommon story.