From somewhere on the internet I pretty much agree with the above and realizing hindsight is 20/20, I have to say before dday I trusted Blue Eyes with what I consider the big stuff… I trusted he would be faithful, and be there for me when I was going through a hard time, sorta, generally … Continue reading Trust shouldn’t be a compromise
marriage
You are going to be okay, part two
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, blossoms are popping, it’s spring in Portland. I’m doing some cleaning of the closets and other such spring kinda stuff. Life is not perfect, but it’s good. Eleven years ago today, I was three months into healing from the most shocking revelation, that my husband was a … Continue reading You are going to be okay, part two
What made me
The last time I was down in LA, the sister in law cornered me. Her mom used to do this with people. Get them alone and then blast them with venom and hate. Both mother in law and sister in law did this with Blue Eyes regularly. He was an easy target and he never … Continue reading What made me
It’s okay to feel really bad some days
I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days
Do you wonder why I run away
This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away
Wendy’s not dead
Being at our beach house has reminded me that when I was here at the end of August, I ended up speaking with Wendy (Over Wendy’s dead body) for quite a while. She’s definitely not dead. She is, however, a bit devastated by the fact that she put up with crazy Ken (her husband of … Continue reading Wendy’s not dead
Not buying the bullshit
That beach house. Last night we had a heated family discussion about our leaky master bedroom fireplace at the beach house. It has not been properly dealt with and when storms blow, rain gets in. It’s not like it floods the place, and the floors are concrete, but the surround is a beautiful custom steel … Continue reading Not buying the bullshit
A Friday in February
Time to finish the posts about our last couple's therapy appointment in Los Angeles. It seems so long ago. The coronavirus situation hadn't even gathered steam at that point. We were still in the throes of mourning my dad's passing, everyone had plenty of toilet paper. The toilet paper thing is still odd to me. … Continue reading A Friday in February
Strawberry donuts and lalaland
I realize it's been a while since I started writing about our latest couple's therapy session in Los Angeles, which actually happened over two weeks ago. I have one more post to write to finish it up, but first I want to share a little love for the city of angels. And, to let everyone … Continue reading Strawberry donuts and lalaland
Fear of not being loved
During our last therapy appointment Blue Eyes brought up me, my dad, and one of my nieces as examples of people who live honestly and openly without fear and how he wants to emulate our behavior. He wants to be like us. He talked about the things he loves about me and how upon meeting … Continue reading Fear of not being loved
try not to cry on my rainbow 