After writing my last post, two things happened. First, my husband wrote an entry on his own blog talking about misery and that he is an addict and recovery is hard, and a choice, and that he is powerless and when he acknowledges his powerlessness, he is better able to see his way out of … Continue reading On being the wife of a sex addict
married to a sex addict
I’m okay, but…
My blog entries from this summer bear out the fact that I have struggled. I've tried to work through the why. To be honest, I feel like Blue Eyes has been doing some gaslighting... I know he doesn't realize this is what he is doing, but I do. His seeing my unease and confusion, and … Continue reading I’m okay, but…
Cycles
I feel like I am caught in a series of cycles. Menopause is one that is getting the better of me. I know I have written about this before, because I have been "going through" menopause since before I commenced writing this blog. I was about 35 years old when we made the decision not … Continue reading Cycles
Sex, Lies and Obsession
In between watching Wimbledon matches, I ran across a movie on the Lifetime Channel called 'Sex, Lies and Obsession' starring Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna. It's a very old movie and I remembered hearing about it or watching it years ago, maybe 15 years ago, WAY before dday, but didn't remember any of the details. … Continue reading Sex, Lies and Obsession
Issues
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32XwDC6GNM0 If I could wish for a talent I don't possess, it would be to have an amazing singing voice. I would write songs like this one and sing like this, and wear suits that look like pajamas (LOL--I'm totally into comfort) and have all my songs be acoustic. My voice would be a little … Continue reading Issues
Is trust all it’s cracked up to be?
First, as I typed "all it's cracked up to be" the phrase struck me as quite odd. So, I looked up it's origin. Strange. The Phrase Finder I have asked myself and many others have asked me, if I will ever be able to trust my husband again. I realize there are about a bazillion memes … Continue reading Is trust all it’s cracked up to be?
Revelations
Embracing Mindfulness. If we actually sit and think, really sit with our thoughts, and actions, do we condone our own behavior. No Excuses. I have the above italicized words written on a note, but I didn't write down who said them? Maybe Pema Chodron? I do remember me typing in the words around it though. … Continue reading Revelations
The fight for control
Obviously Blue Eyes and I still have our moments. There are details that I don't know. I would be living in fantasyland if I thought I would ever know everything. At this point, I don't want to know any more. I do not specifically seek out details from the secret life of my sex addict husband. Sometimes, … Continue reading The fight for control
The long and winding road
The road out is not straight and smooth. I felt bad for Blue Eyes last week. He attended a meeting with one of his favorite 12 step guys and during sharing he found out the guy had lost his sobriety a couple weeks prior. He was four years in and now he's starting over at … Continue reading The long and winding road
Snowed in
It's January 11, 2017 here in the U.S. and we are covered in snow, and it's snowing again. We rarely get a lot of snow in Portland. We're in a funny weather pocket. Our winters are usually fairly temperate, above freezing at least. We generally get one cold weather front per season. It might bring … Continue reading Snowed in
try not to cry on my rainbow 