https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI It's no secret that I am not a religious person. My spirituality comes from within. My strength comes from knowing I am a good person. It's also no secret that I listen to Top 40 music. I have a huge playlist on my iTunes that crosses every genre, but I never remember to set … Continue reading My identity
married to a sex addict
Will I be okay
On our recent business trip back east, we stayed at a hotel in Boston for four nights. When you get off the elevator of the 14th floor of this hotel, there is a little grouping of paintings, with this quote in the middle: After a few arrivals to our floor, and Blue Eyes looking at … Continue reading Will I be okay
Why…
The question with answers that don't make sense to someone who would never betray their partner. To someone who isn't an addict and doesn't have the need to fill such deep, destructive holes, nothing really makes sense. Blue Eyes did a pretty good job of reflecting on the question that has been asked by me … Continue reading Why…
Midtown mood
We have a number of different views out of our 14th story hotel room here in midtown Manhattan. We're here for business, but also visiting our Brooklyn son. The above is the view I have been staring at most of the day. I don't seem to be able to control my mood here in the … Continue reading Midtown mood
Memories
I used to call them triggers and they inevitably caused me tremendous suffering. Triggers were everywhere, literal memories of "the phone call" or buried feelings of being emotionally abandoned by my husband, or conjured visions derived from the fallout of Blue Eyes' sex addicted behavior. Now, the triggers have slowly morphed into memories that no … Continue reading Memories
Sex Addict
Whenever I read, in a story, an article or a blog entry or wherever, that a person has self-diagnosed as a sex addict after being caught cheating, because theoretically it's a good excuse for bad behavior, I sigh. Whenever I hear someone call someone else a sex addict because the target of hate and disdain … Continue reading Sex Addict
Beyond sobriety
Sometimes talking things out is the best way through, and I'm always grateful for this blog. This entry has been sitting here for a while because I started this post and then abandoned it. Some days, weeks, months, I don't feel like putting my thoughts into words. I guess I would call it a slump. … Continue reading Beyond sobriety
I knew it wasn’t perfect
It was Sunday morning of this past holiday weekend and I was triggered by something, I don't quite remember. It wasn't so much debilitating as it was distracting. Those feelings of not knowing, of my instincts being totally off, for years. Of him telling me about Ashley, the first, how she had worked years before … Continue reading I knew it wasn’t perfect
Thoughts for today
I knew it wasn't perfect Not me, not you. Our faults were written all over our faces, and on every wall and in all the spaces. Me, always too much. Always the first and last to speak and share. The one with all the words, the one who never shuts down and always cares. You, … Continue reading Thoughts for today
Moving on
Street Art at Wynwood Walls, Miami Disclaimer: I wrote this post as the third in the trilogy of 'I woke up to nothing' posts. I'm over those feelings now, but March included a couple of really difficult weeks. The sadness even spilled over into our business trip to Paris, but again, I'm doing better. I'm … Continue reading Moving on
try not to cry on my rainbow 