Two years ago I asked Blue Eyes to write a letter to the other woman as part of his ninth step. For reasons that have been discussed many times on my blog the letter was not and will never be sent to the other woman. I do believe this letter catapulted my healing in a … Continue reading The letter
sex addict recovery
Did I forget to say how great my husband is?
It seems to me that ever since I wrote the post about Control and the photo of the other woman, I have felt a weird vibe here on the old blog. First let me get this off my chest. My husband has his own path. He is a recovering sex addict. His recovery includes counseling, … Continue reading Did I forget to say how great my husband is?
Control
For Blue Eyes, part of his addiction is clearly about control. As a child, he was under the strict and harsh command of his narcissistic and abusive mother. She belittled him and chided him and rode his ass day and night. He could never do anything right. Failure was right around the corner for him … Continue reading Control
Grounded
Things are changing. We march on... The doc did not want me flying. Truthfully though, I think she realized I would push myself too much and wouldn't be keen on sitting around a hotel room in the middle of San Francisco. I called her office on Tuesday afternoon and spoke with her medical assistant. I … Continue reading Grounded
Betrayal doesn’t define me
Although my husband is a diagnosed sex addict, he is also a cheater. When I first found out about his cheating, I had no idea he was a sex addict or that such a thing was even real. There were a lot of revelations on his part over those first few days, and an obvious … Continue reading Betrayal doesn’t define me
Where happiness grows
“When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain.” ― Andrea Gibson Three and a half years ago I wrote a journal entry and when I posted it on my blog in November, 2014, I titled it: Planting the seeds and I end the post with... I am cracked, but I … Continue reading Where happiness grows
Hiding behind ‘sex addiction’
I have seen this phrase, or some form of it, many times, written on blogs, in articles, and even in books. I have heard it spoken, by sex addiction deniers, by partners, and by therapists. I understand. Those two words, separate or together, seem to harbor feelings that take us to places like fear, trauma, … Continue reading Hiding behind ‘sex addiction’
Rock bottom
My last post, prompted by an article in which the author did very little to differentiate sex addiction from sex offending (criminal behavior, pedophilia, sex with a minor, etc...), elicited some interesting conversation in the comments. It also got me and Blue Eyes talking quite a bit about this subject of sex addicts and their … Continue reading Rock bottom
I’m okay, but…
My blog entries from this summer bear out the fact that I have struggled. I've tried to work through the why. To be honest, I feel like Blue Eyes has been doing some gaslighting... I know he doesn't realize this is what he is doing, but I do. His seeing my unease and confusion, and … Continue reading I’m okay, but…
Cycles
I feel like I am caught in a series of cycles. Menopause is one that is getting the better of me. I know I have written about this before, because I have been "going through" menopause since before I commenced writing this blog. I was about 35 years old when we made the decision not … Continue reading Cycles
try not to cry on my rainbow 