Even though I feel stronger than I did a year ago, stronger as a person and stronger in my marriage, I am not sure I will ever be able to go through an entire day without some reference to the hell my husband has put me through. On Valentine’s Day afternoon, our dogs would not … Continue reading It started on Valentine’s Day
stalker
New year, new look
Today New year, new look. I did a little tweaking of my blog design. I like it, for now. I wish it was a new look for my body, but alas, this year has taken a toll. I feel older, sluggish, exhausted by the stress of it all. It seems I am always sick with … Continue reading New year, new look
The stalker whore makes an appearance
Tonight I have a number of other journal entries to post from our recent trip to Hawaii, as it turned out to be full of triggers and trauma, with some breakthroughs along the way, and I do want to share those. However, we just returned home and I am exhausted, depleted, anxious, and feeling sick... and … Continue reading The stalker whore makes an appearance
So, let’s talk about “mind blowing” sex
Journal Entry: September 11, 2014 This term, “mind-blowing” sex has been ruminating in my head for months now. Today is the 8-month anniversary of dday. Early in my trauma journey, I read some blogs and articles by mistresses. I was trying to understand why women cheat with married men, especially single women seeking out married … Continue reading So, let’s talk about “mind blowing” sex
Feeding the Beast: my husband’s affair partners
journal Entry: July 30, 2014 Today is the anniversary of the last time my husband had sexual relations with a woman other than me. Nearly 30 years after we started dating, and one day after our 24th wedding anniversary, my husband had a "quickie" sexual liaison with his eight year affair partner, for the very … Continue reading Feeding the Beast: my husband’s affair partners
He finally called the police
Journal Entry: July 14, 2014 At my last therapy appointment I mentioned something about the fact that the other woman was still calling. My therapist, Chatty Kathy, seemed pretty shocked the woman was still calling, and also asked me why I hadn't changed my number out yet. I told her I had tried, but the … Continue reading He finally called the police
Falling back in love with my husband
Journal Entry: July 7, 2014 After last night's mission, I now know that this other woman, my husband's last acting out partner, the alcoholic, hoarding whore (whore-der?), will never be able to sneak up on me (which was one of my fears). I will see this crazy looking woman coming from a mile away. There is … Continue reading Falling back in love with my husband
The Reconnaissance Mission
Journal Entry: July 6, 2014 I read somewhere that being a mistress felt like being a weed in someone else's rose garden, and that makes total sense to me! Since my husband has known the old alcoholic whore for what is now nine years, he is pretty aware of her schedule. He did not spend … Continue reading The Reconnaissance Mission
Bursting Bubbles
Journal Entry: July 5, 2014 During my phone conversation with The Director a couple weeks ago, before my husband’s 9-day, he asked me some questions about Blue Eyes’ habits. He asked me to categorize my husband’s acting out behaviors as I now see them. These would all be behaviors I knew nothing about until six … Continue reading Bursting Bubbles
Cleaning the closet with PTSD
Journal Entry: June 21, 2014 Last night I could not get to sleep without my husband. Since it was a travel day and not officially a workshop day, he was available to talk with me, and call me, and text me as much as he wanted. And he did. Mostly, I was busy with D … Continue reading Cleaning the closet with PTSD
try not to cry on my rainbow 