Full disclosure. I am going to admit straight off that this is a petty and immature post. I rarely feel this way, at least not anymore, but there's something about being cooped up for weeks that has me tense and a bit ungrounded. I just had a video call with my doc and we are … Continue reading Things we remember
betrayal triggers
It still happens
As previously mentioned, yesterday was Blue Eyes' Birthday. We're on vacation. I knew he would need to do some work on this trip because we had arbitration last week, which put us both behind, AND, he can't take a 10-day vacation these days without working. Sad to some, not sad to us. We're short handed … Continue reading It still happens
Midtown mood
We have a number of different views out of our 14th story hotel room here in midtown Manhattan. We're here for business, but also visiting our Brooklyn son. The above is the view I have been staring at most of the day. I don't seem to be able to control my mood here in the … Continue reading Midtown mood
I’m okay
Last week I drove to the beach house by myself. Blue Eyes and I were in a bit of a spat regarding a work issue. I had done my share, it was time for him to kick in. He promised me he would, then he didn't. It infuriated me. It was a big deal. I … Continue reading I’m okay
Anxiety abroad
I am currently in Japan. Blue Eyes is super busy with work while I get to enjoy some leisure and family time. We're celebrating my Mom's 75th and my niece's (The Princess) 4th birthday here in Tokyo. My baby brother (GQ) has lived in Tokyo for 24+ years now and I'm glad we have business … Continue reading Anxiety abroad
Beyond the sea
Apparently I won't be facing my in-laws any time soon. Phew. I'm still not sure what provoked his desire to make contact, we need to have a long discussion about this, but truth is, I haven't felt up to the conversation. When I left the beach house last week, my cold was bad and I … Continue reading Beyond the sea
I’m sorry
Sometimes I feel like I need to put out a disclaimer before I start typing. Although we are moving forward together, me with Blue eyes, and I am healing, and I keep writing because it helps me feel better in the moment, this ride is so tumultuous, some days I feel like I'm going to … Continue reading I’m sorry
I’m baaack
Okay, so anyone else picturing Jack Nicholson? Just me? Moving right along... I think this is the longest break I have taken from blogging since I started this thing 2 1/2 years ago. I wanted to write, I really did, on some days at least, but it seems the entire six weeks of our holiday … Continue reading I’m baaack
Living in denial
Blue Eyes is now three years sober. He will receive his three year sobriety chip at his next Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. His official self proclaimed sobriety date is December 11, 2013. His last date of acting out with the other woman was July 30, 2013. His sobriety date corresponds with the day he decided for himself … Continue reading Living in denial
“It will never happen again”
These are the words that send me to that place. That place where my insides feel like a big festering ulcer, where my head starts to ache and I feel an uneasy clamminess, like I need to purge. "It will never happen again." I was having a great day yesterday. I planned a romantic little … Continue reading “It will never happen again”
