Last week I drove to the beach house by myself. Blue Eyes and I were in a bit of a spat regarding a work issue. I had done my share, it was time for him to kick in. He promised me he would, then he didn't. It infuriated me. It was a big deal. I … Continue reading I’m okay
betrayal triggers
Anxiety abroad
I am currently in Japan. Blue Eyes is super busy with work while I get to enjoy some leisure and family time. We're celebrating my Mom's 75th and my niece's (The Princess) 4th birthday here in Tokyo. My baby brother (GQ) has lived in Tokyo for 24+ years now and I'm glad we have business … Continue reading Anxiety abroad
Beyond the sea
Apparently I won't be facing my in-laws any time soon. Phew. I'm still not sure what provoked his desire to make contact, we need to have a long discussion about this, but truth is, I haven't felt up to the conversation. When I left the beach house last week, my cold was bad and I … Continue reading Beyond the sea
I’m sorry
Sometimes I feel like I need to put out a disclaimer before I start typing. Although we are moving forward together, me with Blue eyes, and I am healing, and I keep writing because it helps me feel better in the moment, this ride is so tumultuous, some days I feel like I'm going to … Continue reading I’m sorry
I’m baaack
Okay, so anyone else picturing Jack Nicholson? Just me? Moving right along... I think this is the longest break I have taken from blogging since I started this thing 2 1/2 years ago. I wanted to write, I really did, on some days at least, but it seems the entire six weeks of our holiday … Continue reading I’m baaack
Living in denial
Blue Eyes is now three years sober. He will receive his three year sobriety chip at his next Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. His official self proclaimed sobriety date is December 11, 2013. His last date of acting out with the other woman was July 30, 2013. His sobriety date corresponds with the day he decided for himself … Continue reading Living in denial
“It will never happen again”
These are the words that send me to that place. That place where my insides feel like a big festering ulcer, where my head starts to ache and I feel an uneasy clamminess, like I need to purge. "It will never happen again." I was having a great day yesterday. I planned a romantic little … Continue reading “It will never happen again”
Where do I fit in?
After my heart was ripped out by my son's words, and my husband read the script to me, and I burst into tears asking him where I fit in?, Blue Eyes put his face in his hands and wept. His body shook as he was wracked with sobs. The difference between my sobs and his... they end, rather … Continue reading Where do I fit in?
Looking back, part one
I did something I rarely do. I went back and looked through some of my old posts. I started at the beginning of 2015 and did a quick perusal of where I have been over the past year. Wow. Eye opener. I have made a lot of forward movement out of the dark recesses of … Continue reading Looking back, part one
Facebook, you torture me
This morning Facebook reminded me that six years ago today I posted the following entry on my personal blog, which I then linked to Facebook. This was a trigger, a huge trigger. I'll explain later. Wednesday, November 18, 2009 Why am I doing this? Why am I writing this blog? Because this past weekend I … Continue reading Facebook, you torture me
