Journal Entry: July 6, 2014 I read somewhere that being a mistress felt like being a weed in someone else's rose garden, and that makes total sense to me! Since my husband has known the old alcoholic whore for what is now nine years, he is pretty aware of her schedule. He did not spend … Continue reading The Reconnaissance Mission
CPTSD
Bursting Bubbles
Journal Entry: July 5, 2014 During my phone conversation with The Director a couple weeks ago, before my husband’s 9-day, he asked me some questions about Blue Eyes’ habits. He asked me to categorize my husband’s acting out behaviors as I now see them. These would all be behaviors I knew nothing about until six … Continue reading Bursting Bubbles
A wife’s worst nightmare
Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare
The celibacy fiasco
Journal Entry: June 29, 2014 This is it, the last day of my husband’s intensive therapy program. When Blue Eyes arrived at the peaceful spa pool at the resort where I was luxuriating in the 80+ degree weather, I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He was supposed to have met me up at the … Continue reading The celibacy fiasco
I went to a sunshine yellow valley, and I was loved
Journal Entry: June 28, 2014 Saturday morning I woke up in my big comfy bed and realized, only one more day until I get my partner back. I am happy that this thought actually feels so good. Wanting to be back in my husband's arms brings feelings of warmth and comfort. While waiting for breakfast, I decided to … Continue reading I went to a sunshine yellow valley, and I was loved
Finding my happy place
Journal Entry: June 27, 2014 We are heading into the final weekend of my husband's intensive outpatient therapy. It's Friday night, and he is done Sunday at noon. I can see the finish line. At least the finish line for this little leg of the race we are on. Since leaving Beverly Hills and heading … Continue reading Finding my happy place
Thoughts for the day
Journal Entry: June 26, 2014 I have been away from my husband for seven days now. He finally got his act together and started calling and/or texting at the agreed upon times, which has helped my anxiety. Sometimes I sleep through his morning texts and sometimes I am in my own therapy session during his … Continue reading Thoughts for the day
Cleaning the closet with PTSD
Journal Entry: June 21, 2014 Last night I could not get to sleep without my husband. Since it was a travel day and not officially a workshop day, he was available to talk with me, and call me, and text me as much as he wanted. And he did. Mostly, I was busy with D … Continue reading Cleaning the closet with PTSD
Saying Good-bye
Journal Entry: June 20, 2014 I received a call yesterday from The Director of the Institute in Los Angeles that specializes in sex addiction treatment. I have met him once before, at my first trauma intensive appointment last month in Los Angeles. He's a pretty entertaining and charismatic guy, when he wants to be. He will … Continue reading Saying Good-bye
We told my parents today
Journal Entry: June 13, 2014 We were back in Los Angeles earlier this week for therapy. I received a phone call from my mother regarding my step father's birthday/father's day this coming weekend. I have been making so many excuses for why we have been out of town so much, and why we have been … Continue reading We told my parents today
try not to cry on my rainbow 