My baby brother, the Listener, the one who works for us and knows everything, called my mobile phone last Thursday at about 1:30pm. He didn't beat around the bush. He said, "dad is gone." Even though I knew what was coming, the words still hit me with an awful force. It wasn't shock or surprise, … Continue reading I’m still in that box
grief
On his own terms…
A few people have mentioned here and elsewhere how my dad lived life on his own terms. He lived that way, and then he died that way. Dad passed away last Thursday, February 6. He was stuck in the ICU for five weeks. No doubt it was torture for him. Before going into the hospital … Continue reading On his own terms…
The awakening
Photo credit: photoguy777.deviantart.com/art/Pink-Rose A few days ago I was looking for some paperwork I had carelessly tossed somewhere at some point probably as much as two years ago, and in that process I opened the upper left hand drawer of my desk. Inside that drawer is a desperate and depraved accounting of the first few … Continue reading The awakening
Everybody hurts… sometimes
Tomorrow is the five year anniversary of the day Blue Eyes' brother took his own life. Uncle D (as I will call him) was 43 years old. He was married to a young woman he had brought over from China for the purpose of making her his wife. Before hearing the story of how they met by Uncle … Continue reading Everybody hurts… sometimes
We are all in pain
If I ever thought I would run out of things to write for my blog, I was mistaken. Even if there is nothing interesting enough to write about going on in my life, other bloggers daily give me ideas of topics to write about. Every day I am either prompted by another’s blog topic, or … Continue reading We are all in pain
So, let’s talk about “mind blowing” sex
Journal Entry: September 11, 2014 This term, “mind-blowing” sex has been ruminating in my head for months now. Today is the 8-month anniversary of dday. Early in my trauma journey, I read some blogs and articles by mistresses. I was trying to understand why women cheat with married men, especially single women seeking out married … Continue reading So, let’s talk about “mind blowing” sex
Where my pain comes from today
Journal Entry: September 1, 2014 Today's thoughts to my husband: I can feel the time slipping away, like watching sand in an hourglass. Each day we get a little closer to the one year mark. I know you can feel it too. This is not the time to swoop in at the eleventh hour, to … Continue reading Where my pain comes from today
A present day breakthrough
Yesterday I wrote a blog post that included a journal entry from this past August. I talked about how that day, August 14, was the one-year anniversary of the day my husband broke up with his eight-year affair partner on a drive home from a one-day business trip to a nearby city. Coincidentally, last night … Continue reading A present day breakthrough
Heartbroken
Journal Entry: August 14, 2014 Today is another trigger filled day. Today is the one year anniversary of the last day my husband saw Camilla. They did not have sex. He had meetings out of town in a large city three hours away by car. From the phone records, I know they had been texting … Continue reading Heartbroken
I want to go home
Journal Entry: August 11, 2014 I wake up sad and lonely. I want to go back to the place where someone took care of me, where someone loved me unconditionally, where someone nurtured me and didn't take me for granted. I want to go back to the place where I played all day, out in … Continue reading I want to go home
