Journal Entry: April 2, 2014 “When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain.” ― Andrea Gibson We are still on our cruise. On one hand I feel isolated, and on the other, I feel smothered. Remind me never to go on a cruise again. I have always loved the … Continue reading Planting the seeds
grief
Trauma on the high seas
Journal Entry: March 31, 2014 Letter to my husband: Thirty years ago you started courting me. My life would never be the same. I was not shopping for a husband and I wasn't ready. After a mere seven months of knowing you, I fell in love. I fell in love with who I thought you were. … Continue reading Trauma on the high seas
Thank goodness we can’t tell the future
Journal Entry: March 27, 2014 "Thank goodness we can't tell the future. We'd never get out of bed." Julia Roberts as Barbara Weston in August: Osage County. We are on our way to Miami. Our 15-night Panama Canal cruise leaves port Sunday. So here I go on another trigger filled holiday with my cheating, sex-addict hubby … Continue reading Thank goodness we can’t tell the future
She walked this path
Journal Entry: March 24, 2014 "Just because everything is different, doesn't mean anything has changed." Irene Peter My husband has become quite attached to his sponsor. His sponsor has a similar story and pathology to my husband. He has been sober (although with sex addicts, it is not always wise to believe anything they say) … Continue reading She walked this path
Not sure this one’s going to stick either
Journal Entry: March 17, 2014 I think most everyone can relate to being betrayed by a spouse. Obviously not everyone has experienced it, but most can imagine how devastating it would be. Having your husband diagnosed as a sex addict (versus a “cheater”) on the other hand, brings with it a whole different kind of … Continue reading Not sure this one’s going to stick either
Dude, sorry we’re so miserable, but we really do love your ranch
Journal Entry: March 16, 2014 In January, after B’s initial sex addict diagnosis and his therapist’s recommendation that B immediately check himself in to the Meadows Sex Addiction recovery program for 45 days, and B’s subsequent dismissal of this advice, B did start looking for a seminar to attend. He felt particularly drawn to the … Continue reading Dude, sorry we’re so miserable, but we really do love your ranch
No More
Journal Entry: March 7, 2014 How do I feel today? I feel like no one really gets me. I feel like my life has been ripped from me. I feel like my whole world has fallen into a never-ending abyss of heartache and despair. I feel like I will never be whole again. I feel … Continue reading No More
I hate pretending
Journal Entry: March 1, 2014. Last night and today have been rough. Before everything came out, before D-Day, he had made plans with an old high school friend and her husband. They were going to be in town and wanted to know if we wanted to go to a Jazz Concert with them. We planned … Continue reading I hate pretending
A downward spiral into my abyss
Journal Entry: Valentine's Day, 2014 I now hate Valentine's day. While we were in Hawaii, I was obsessing about the acting out partner and why anyone would want such a dysfunctional, vacuous relationship. I went on and on about how she never got to spend any real time with him, how could she possibly think … Continue reading A downward spiral into my abyss
Finding peace in paradise
Journal Entry: Wednesday, February 5, 2014: 10:45pm The sun had set over the gorgeous coast of The Big Island of Hawaii more than four hours before, but the colors lingered in my mind. The rooms at the Four Seasons are so beautiful. From the outside, my life is beautiful. I have a loving husband, two … Continue reading Finding peace in paradise
try not to cry on my rainbow 