Journal Entry: April 22, 2014 I have been feeling increasingly anxious and depressed lately and I am not really loving my therapist. Some days I feel like I am living inside someone else's head, someone else's life. My husband has found a clinic in Southern California that specializes in the sex addiction-induced trauma model for … Continue reading Am I losing my mind
Loneliness
I am alone.
Journal Entry: April 21, 2014 What to do with myself? I never thought much about it four months ago. My husband traveled a lot over the past 20 years. I was alone a lot. For years I had the boys. They were the best company. I love them with everything that I am and have … Continue reading I am alone.
These are a few of my favorite triggers
Journal Entry: April 16, 2014 I have already journaled about some of the most disturbing and prevalent triggers in my life including planes, airports, hotel rooms, and cities they traveled to together. My husband’s mobile phone and laptop are also huge triggers as he spent a great deal of time texting, sexting, calling and emailing … Continue reading These are a few of my favorite triggers
No More
Journal Entry: March 7, 2014 How do I feel today? I feel like no one really gets me. I feel like my life has been ripped from me. I feel like my whole world has fallen into a never-ending abyss of heartache and despair. I feel like I will never be whole again. I feel … Continue reading No More
A downward spiral into my abyss
Journal Entry: Valentine's Day, 2014 I now hate Valentine's day. While we were in Hawaii, I was obsessing about the acting out partner and why anyone would want such a dysfunctional, vacuous relationship. I went on and on about how she never got to spend any real time with him, how could she possibly think … Continue reading A downward spiral into my abyss
triggers and glimmers
Journal Entry: February 2, 2014 We got on a plane together for the first time since I found out my husband has been cheating for 15 years and taking his mistress on business trips for the past 5 years. I asked him how he was able to take his mistress on ten trips over the past … Continue reading triggers and glimmers
Please make it stop
Journal Entry: Sunday, January 26, 2014 "You were the lightning, and I was the tree. Your words were the fire, burning the best parts of me." MMH We have a visitor. He is a friend of my husband who is also a client. He has been living in the U.S. for a few years now. … Continue reading Please make it stop
I would do it again
Journal Entry: Saturday, January 25, 2014 The days seem incredibly long and exhausting. I am still not sleeping well. Evenings turn into lengthy conversations full of disclosure details and heartache for me. He is still holding back, avoiding answering questions and answering the same questions differently each time. My biggest trigger is his continued lying. … Continue reading I would do it again
She keeps calling and I am devolving
Journal Entry: Thursday, January 16, 2014 He sleeps, and sleeps. He is sick. I cannot sleep. I am at my desk at 5:30am. This is definitely not me. I cannot get out of my own head. Meeting with my friend and the benign phone call with my Father seem like years ago. My husband came … Continue reading She keeps calling and I am devolving
Who is my best friend
Journal Entry: Wednesday, January 15, 2014 I used to think my husband was my best friend. I gave everything to our friendship. I bore my heart and soul and shared every part of my mind and body with him. For thirty years I looked at his face and felt love and contentment. When he wrapped … Continue reading Who is my best friend
try not to cry on my rainbow 