I am way behind on my posts, but for very good reason. We have been traveling most of the past month. So, even though my last couple posts were a bit melancholy, they were not really about Blue Eyes or our relationship, such as it is. At this point, our progress, for both me and Blue Eyes, … Continue reading Our time apart
recovering wife of a sex addict
Why now
This was the question I asked repeatedly of my husband and every therapist we encountered for the first year of recovery. Why, after all these years and all his destructive behavior, can he change now when he never was able to before. He says he wanted to. He says he hated himself. He says he hated … Continue reading Why now
Lost identity
In the shower this morning I realized I am having an identity crisis. I have written so much here on my blog. I have spilled out who I am, what has happened to me both before and after I found out about my husband's secret life, how I feel about addiction, how I feel about … Continue reading Lost identity
The new normal
Well, it's been a while. We returned a couple days ago from an 11-day trip to New York, New Jersey, and Atlanta, mostly for business. If not for the fact that Blue Eyes caught a bad cold and was sick as a dog the entire trip, and I mean he came down with it ON the … Continue reading The new normal
Plan, revised.
I was actually working diligently on something else, but decided to come here to vent. I'm not traumatized, I'm not even upset. Just, well, I guess, exasperated? I want to blow off a little steam. Blue Eyes had therapy this morning. He called me post therapy to ask if he could bring me home some lunch. … Continue reading Plan, revised.
“The only winning move is not to play.”
When I think back to how things used to be, with Blue Eyes, it is difficult to remove the umbrella of pain and sadness and trauma that seems to hover over those memories. If I dig deep though, I know what we had was pretty great in the scheme of things. We had a long term loving relationship. … Continue reading “The only winning move is not to play.”
Post 300
Watercolor Rainbow by Olga Shvartsur Can you believe it? This is my 300th post here on Try Not to Cry on My Rainbow. Crazy. I'll try and make it a good one. While Blue Eyes and I were away on our spa hotel excursion, I received a call from Ms. Honey, one of the CSATs … Continue reading Post 300
Fight for me already
Look Toward The Light I chose to marry Blue Eyes in part because he is a sweet, kind, loving, passionate, generous, vulnerable human. All of those attributes are still very much a part of him. They never left him. There were just so many hidden traits working against him, tugging at his ability to be a really … Continue reading Fight for me already
Running away
I never thought about running away from home as a child. Ever. Why can't people just say what they mean, and do what they say they are going to do? Why does the world have to be so complicated? Why are there so many liars and cheaters? Why can't there be one single day of my … Continue reading Running away
Why did I do that?
I just talked with a therapist that Blue Eyes and I had seen early on. I'll call her Ms. Honey because she is so sweet. Strangely enough, Ms. Honey actually answered her phone. I have never had that happen before at any kind of doctor or therapist office. I always get voice mail. I was a bit taken … Continue reading Why did I do that?
try not to cry on my rainbow 