Obviously Blue Eyes and I still have our moments. There are details that I don't know. I would be living in fantasyland if I thought I would ever know everything. At this point, I don't want to know any more. I do not specifically seek out details from the secret life of my sex addict husband. Sometimes, … Continue reading The fight for control
survival after addiction
Another missing piece
As mentioned previously on this blog, I periodically perform an internet search of people I know, specifically my husband and kids. I have done this for a long time, way before dday. Mostly it used to be fun. Blue Eyes used to have a lot of links and photos, etc... when he was still on social … Continue reading Another missing piece
Charting progress
This is year four of journaling on Valentine's Day. For a day that I have never cared much about, it seems, I sure do like to write about it. Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2014 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2015 Journal Entry: Valentine's Day 2016 I actually don't think I like to write about it at … Continue reading Charting progress
The long and winding road
The road out is not straight and smooth. I felt bad for Blue Eyes last week. He attended a meeting with one of his favorite 12 step guys and during sharing he found out the guy had lost his sobriety a couple weeks prior. He was four years in and now he's starting over at … Continue reading The long and winding road
So, what was wrong with my marriage?
I have spent a great deal of time over the past three years defending my marriage in my own mind. Mainly because I needed to come to terms with whether it was worth it to me to keep nurturing it. What it all really comes down to, for me, has nothing to do with a … Continue reading So, what was wrong with my marriage?
Snowed in
It's January 11, 2017 here in the U.S. and we are covered in snow, and it's snowing again. We rarely get a lot of snow in Portland. We're in a funny weather pocket. Our winters are usually fairly temperate, above freezing at least. We generally get one cold weather front per season. It might bring … Continue reading Snowed in
He’s just not that type of guy
The following TED talk was sent to me by a follower. It is one of the best descriptions of sex addiction I have seen thus far. We Need To Talk About Sex Addiction "The biggest barrier to getting help for sex addiction is the secrecy and shame that surrounds it" "He doesn't believe anyone could … Continue reading He’s just not that type of guy
We all need a path out
The reason I know I cannot change my husband, I cannot make him better, I cannot heal him in any way, is because I have been here all along. If it was my job to heal him, I would have done it already. If my presence was enough to make him the man he wants … Continue reading We all need a path out
I’m here
Since my arrival back east, a few things have happened. I have not looked back. I have not been bored or homesick or sad. I love it here, but I know my time here will come to an end and so I prepare to head back home eventually and enlist a new mindset. I'll embrace it … Continue reading I’m here
I’ve made a lot of excuses
As much as I would love to say I am just pleasantly plump, or a little chubby, I have a lot of fat on my body. I teeter between overweight and obese, per all those handy BMI calculators. For me to give this diabetes control situation a chance, I need to get into the normal … Continue reading I’ve made a lot of excuses
try not to cry on my rainbow 