Journal Entry: February 26, 2014 Things with my therapist are not going well. I have cancelled an appointment with her and have no intention of going back. She wants me to leave "Ted Bundy," I mean "B." She was completely freaked out by my self harm and thinks staying with my husband is just one … Continue reading Out with the old, in with the new
Month: October 2014
A downward spiral into my abyss
Journal Entry: Valentine's Day, 2014 I now hate Valentine's day. While we were in Hawaii, I was obsessing about the acting out partner and why anyone would want such a dysfunctional, vacuous relationship. I went on and on about how she never got to spend any real time with him, how could she possibly think … Continue reading A downward spiral into my abyss
OMG, are you effing kidding me…
Journal Entry: February 6 & 7, 2014 Last night, we departed our comfy hammock in the grass hand in hand beneath an amazing star filled sky. We walked back to our gorgeous room overlooking the ocean, and made love. My arms hurt like hell, but my heart soared. I actually got a few hours sleep and … Continue reading OMG, are you effing kidding me…
Finding peace in paradise
Journal Entry: Wednesday, February 5, 2014: 10:45pm The sun had set over the gorgeous coast of The Big Island of Hawaii more than four hours before, but the colors lingered in my mind. The rooms at the Four Seasons are so beautiful. From the outside, my life is beautiful. I have a loving husband, two … Continue reading Finding peace in paradise
triggers and glimmers
Journal Entry: February 2, 2014 We got on a plane together for the first time since I found out my husband has been cheating for 15 years and taking his mistress on business trips for the past 5 years. I asked him how he was able to take his mistress on ten trips over the past … Continue reading triggers and glimmers
Please make it stop
Journal Entry: Sunday, January 26, 2014 "You were the lightning, and I was the tree. Your words were the fire, burning the best parts of me." MMH We have a visitor. He is a friend of my husband who is also a client. He has been living in the U.S. for a few years now. … Continue reading Please make it stop
I would do it again
Journal Entry: Saturday, January 25, 2014 The days seem incredibly long and exhausting. I am still not sleeping well. Evenings turn into lengthy conversations full of disclosure details and heartache for me. He is still holding back, avoiding answering questions and answering the same questions differently each time. My biggest trigger is his continued lying. … Continue reading I would do it again
Why is she still calling
Journal Entry: Thursday, January 23, 2014: 5:30pm The brother that I confided in last week is in town this week staying at our house. Having someone to talk with that knows what is going on in our lives is a big help to me. I drove him into the office this morning while my husband … Continue reading Why is she still calling
If Facebook were real life and STD’s were still someone else’s problem
Journal Entry: Friday, January 17, 2014 Part of the “fun” of this whole sex addiction “thing,” is that the addict makes really, really, really stupid mistakes. For example, when his older acting out partner tells him he does not need to wear a condom because she already went through menopause (he was 41 at the … Continue reading If Facebook were real life and STD’s were still someone else’s problem
The loss of innocence
Journal Entry: Thursday, January 14, 2014 (the evening) We decided that our boys should know the truth about their Father’s behavior and his addiction diagnosis. Our children are both college age and I don’t keep secrets. Maybe I should actually say I thought our children should know the truth because that is how I live … Continue reading The loss of innocence
try not to cry on my rainbow 