Just when I started acclimating to the idea that we will be paying hundreds of thousands of dollars of money to a lying building contractor and his bully of an attorney, Blue Eyes has decided to “reconcile” with his parents. WHAT??? He has been talking about sending them a letter for a while. I’ve written about it, here, somewhere. What haven’t I written about? I thought maybe he would write the letter, then not send it. Or maybe I secretly thought he would never finish writing it. Nope. He finished it, AND he sent it!!!
I have written so many posts about my in-laws and the damage they have done to my husband and our family. I have written about how nice it is to have them out of our lives. I have written about being worried he would contact them, which he has talked about doing for the past couple years. The letter is really an email. An email he sent to his Dad a few days ago. I feel betrayed. Any contact he has with his family will inevitably affect me. I have always said it was his choice, his family, but I honestly thought he wouldn’t reconnect because he knows how destructive they are to him, to me, to EVERYONE!
At first I thought he was possibly reconnecting with his Dad to ask him for money. But I know that is not the case because Blue Eyes’ parents are the meanest, stingiest people I have ever met, and he has ALWAYS said he never wanted their money. Their money is poison. And, even if he doesn’t believe that anymore, he knows, in the best of times they don’t loan money, and these are not the best of times.
I think the impetus for him reaching out now, is his Dad is turning 85 next month. Although his Dad is relatively healthy for his age, that is a big number. Blue Eyes doesn’t want his father to die before reconciling with him. He thinks he will have regrets. That may well have been the case, but I actually think he will have more regrets contacting him and re-initiating the relationship. Blue Eyes’ childhood wounds, his relationship with both his parents, and their inability to be nurturing or love him unconditionally, have been the reasons he became a sex addict in the first place. Not to blame his parents for Blue Eyes’ actual addictive acts, but they are the catalyst for him feeling like he needed a drug to survive his life, and that drug became a bad bad habit. His not being able to deal with their abuse and neglect are also the reason he suffered from Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis and Colitis for two decades. And then later in life, panic attacks. Sigh.
Going back in time to just after discovery day (for me), Blue Eyes was on the outs with his Mom. The relationships with Blue Eyes’ family have been the most volatile and hateful relationships I have ever witnessed (and been involved in, just call me “scapegoat”). Blue Eyes’ mother is a full blown narcissist and his sister isn’t much better. His Dad enables the mom and he seems to have very little human emotion. Anyway, Blue Eyes’ had attended his 30th high school class reunion a couple months prior and was unable to meet up with his parents on that trip. Blue Eyes’ mother literally desires to control everyone and everything in her life. She wanted to meet with her son on her terms. Unfortunately, he had a football game and dinner to go to when she wanted to meet. Remember, at this point, this is a 50 year old man and his 73 year old mother we’re talking about. He called his parents when he arrived Los Angeles. They didn’t answer their phones, so he headed out to meet up with his high school friends. His mother held a grudge, even though Blue Eyes tried to meet with them. Her schedule was simply far more important than his and when he didn’t bow to her orders, she grew horns and spit fire.
Blue Eyes called his mom the following week, and she hung up on him. A little over a month later, our world fell apart. This was also all happening while my step father was finding out his prostate cancer was in his spine. Blue Eyes’ parents know nothing about Blue Eyes’ secret life. After his mother hung up on him, she used one of her “tactics” and that was calling her daughter to check up on us and our family. Then the sister would call us, quiz us about our life (or she would pull stuff off Facebook if she didn’t feel like calling us). I tested the Facebook theory by putting out some false info and then not writing on there for a while. It worked. Everything came to a head when we were in Hawaii in 2014 scouting a location for a corporate retreat and Blue Eyes’ sister called us (I wasn’t putting anything on FB at this point), and said that the parents were harassing her and constantly trying to get info out of her about us, but of course she had no info because her source had been cut off. She was pissed. Blue Eyes sent a simple email to his parents asking them to please contact him if they wanted to know about our family as it was stressing the sister out by being in the middle.
Here is the response email sent from Blue Eyes’ father in February, 2014 while we were in Hawaii. This is the last correspondence between the two of them (until recently):
“Why would you tell your sister not to communicate with us about you or your family? Why would you put such limitations on communications with us? Are you hiding something? Why haven’t you been communicating with us for the past several years? Are you under orders that impose such communication limitations? There can be no relationship with us under such circumstances. We can accept this since the relationship with you and your family has been totally flawed during the past several years. We will not delineate such past behavior as you certainly should be able to recognize such disregard, dishonesty, lack of respect and kindness, irresponsibility and indifference to our past dedication and bonds. If the absence of a relationship is what you want we will act accordingly. Since we believe we have fulfilled our parental obligations and we know of no way for us to change your last name or your behavior, we may only do what we can do to conclude the relationship.”
So this whole email situation was instigated by the sister because she was tired of being a go-between. Nobody told the sister not to communicate. The sister is an obnoxious spoiled brat who lies to get her own way and only cares about mummy and daddy’s money.
The comment about Blue Eyes’ hiding something is so ironic, right? “Yeah, Daddy, I was hiding this HUGE four decade secret sex life from the world and then my disgusting, desperate hidden secret was blown to smithereens by my hideous free whore a couple weeks ago and the debris crashed down on everyone around me, especially the people who had never hurt me.”
Also, not communicating with them for “several years”??? His mother had hung up on him a few weeks before, twice! My in laws live is some alternate universe where they can say and do whatever they want and no one questions them. They are so full of shit.
The “under orders” comment is a big dig at me. They are insinuating that I am keeping my husband from speaking to them. HA! IF ONLY I HAD THAT POWER!!!!!!! I am literally always the scapegoat for these people. It is much easier to blame the outsider that they have never liked or accepted as part of their “family.” I think I could write a whole Season of American Horror Story about this family!
They won’t delineate the past behavior in their email because the only horrible behavior was from them, to us. The kind of tactics used in the above email always work for them. Hacking people off at the knees is their modus operandi. Make people feel as shitty as possible, then throw them a little bone and they’ll come running for that little “gift.” Man, I dislike these people very very much. Not sure who ever defined “parental obligations” as abuse, neglect, disregard, disrespect, belittling, never giving compliments, demanding to be treated with respect when they NEVER give respect to anyone but their rich friends. UGH!!!! I think they made it pretty clear in that email that they don’t like how their son was acting, so they are concluding the relationship. My husband has never tried to do anything but be a good, loving son to these people. This past nearly six year break from them has been BLISS!
So, here we go. We are scheduled to have dinner with these people in two weeks. The email Blue Eyes sent to his father was met with gracious kindness. I’m sure Blue Eyes’ Dad doesn’t even remember the above email correspondence. He even signed his emails with Love, Dad. Really? Either they have grown too old to remember who they used to be, or this is a TRAP!!!!