I have been sick for the past few days. Not horrible sick, mainly worn down, not sleeping enough, mild fever, sinus headache that won't go away... There's a lot going on at our house. We have recently repaired a major leak on our lower level (aka, the basement), which created a ton of dust (I … Continue reading Crazy making
betrayed spouse
I’m saying those words
The words I swore I never wanted to hear again. The words that pissed me off, and confused me, and made me think people just didn't get what I was going through. The words that made me want to scream. Now I'm saying them too. I hear those words coming out of my mouth, and … Continue reading I’m saying those words
Therapy is nice…
So, I think I am at this place. The place where I can get past those horrible, frustrating, triggering, and often times painful moments without more therapy. At least for now. I cancelled my last two therapy appointments. I just wasn't feeling it. But, never say never, right? A couple things I love about the … Continue reading Therapy is nice…
Breakfast conversation
My rose petal breakfast tea. We are here in La La Land and Blue Eyes has back to back meetings... conference calls, in-person meetings, etc... He broke away for 20 minutes to have room service breakfast with me. Honestly I don't know where this conversation came from, I can't remember, but as I sat there … Continue reading Breakfast conversation
Can it be…
Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line? If we had the chance to do it all again Tell me, would we, would we, Could we, could we? No no no, that is not what I meant to write, but as soon as I typed those words, … Continue reading Can it be…
A forever reminder
In a hotel room in Paris, I sat bolt upright in bed and gripped my left forearm with my right hand. There was a searing pain there on my arm. Whoa, I thought what the heck is going on. I know I had been having a nightmare, I was sweaty and disoriented, but I couldn't … Continue reading A forever reminder
Our time apart
I am way behind on my posts, but for very good reason. We have been traveling most of the past month. So, even though my last couple posts were a bit melancholy, they were not really about Blue Eyes or our relationship, such as it is. At this point, our progress, for both me and Blue Eyes, … Continue reading Our time apart
There’s a cost to all the pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI0Zye_ewPE I am still sick about the untimely death of Prince. As details emerge, it brings back a lot of the feelings from Michael Jackson's death and the pain and suffering of so many other talented musicians, and actors who died too young, it would seem, from merely trying to medicate their pain. Prince, Whitney … Continue reading There’s a cost to all the pain
Some people will never get it
Some people, a lot of people actually, will never really get what it feels like to be betrayed by the person they love most. And truthfully, I am glad they never will have to feel that gut wrenching pain. It does not feel good, in any way. It is devastating. It changes us forever. So that … Continue reading Some people will never get it
Why now
This was the question I asked repeatedly of my husband and every therapist we encountered for the first year of recovery. Why, after all these years and all his destructive behavior, can he change now when he never was able to before. He says he wanted to. He says he hated himself. He says he hated … Continue reading Why now
