After the wedding, and the honeymoon, and the other wedding reception, and a long drive back to southern California, we settled in to what would be the most hellish two years of my life, prior to d-day that is. Even though Blue Eyes was in law school, and he technically had another month of summer break, … Continue reading Just another love story. Part fourteen: Testing the marriage.
married to a sex addict
Nobody said it was easy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A Living with an addict, is hard. Living with an unrecovered addict is a bitch and half. I have done that and I don't want to ever do it again. Blue Eyes is a recovering addict. He wants to be a better man. He wants to change what is broken. He wants to heal. He … Continue reading Nobody said it was easy
Amends, part two
December 3, 2015 Later that evening... I knew I was going to do what I did, I just really really wished Blue Eyes had taken our discussion in the morning and done more with it. I wish it had mattered enough for him, that he had taken a good look at that step eight amends … Continue reading Amends, part two
Amends, part one
December 3, 2015 And just when you think he gets it... Blue Eyes is working his step nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (sa.org) Step eight was making the list (I always thought step eight was the making amends step), but step nine … Continue reading Amends, part one
Some days
I let the hot water wash over me in the shower this morning, and as I watched the steam float slowly to the ceiling, I wrote these words in my head. The feelings were strong in me. The desire to flee, the desire to be free, the desire to be alone. As if they were … Continue reading Some days
And that’s a good thing
I was just over at woundedraven's blog The Affair Diary reading her post Thanks(but no thanks)giving... which reminded me that my Thanksgiving dilemma for this year has been solved. I have been dreading getting up the courage to tell everyone that I don't want to have Thanksgiving again this year. Last year I opted out and we went … Continue reading And that’s a good thing
Just another love story. Part twelve: coming home
I was so sad to leave Blue Eyes in Japan that hot and humid July, 1987. I had no idea at that point whether we would stay together. The thing I knew was that I needed to remain true to myself and the promises I had made to me. I have always been a nurturer, … Continue reading Just another love story. Part twelve: coming home
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
Why her?
As in, I was asked a question the other day by a friend. Why do I focus so much energy on the last acting out partner? Why is she the one who garnered so much interest, why was she the one I spewed vitriol over, why was she the most dangerous? Versus the others. Although … Continue reading Why her?
The boy we left behind
After Blue Eyes' brother passed, there was a little 15 month old boy left behind. Blue Eyes spent as much time with that boy as he possibly could, it was good for both of them. Blue Eyes helping to fill an empty void in the little boy's life, the stark absence of a father he barely got … Continue reading The boy we left behind
try not to cry on my rainbow 