This past week I finished watching the television series called The Fall (2013-2016). I watched it all the way through over a few weeks time. It is dark, and intense. The story of a serial killer (Jamie Dornan) in Belfast, Ireland, and the detective (Gillian Anderson) brought in to track him down. It was a … Continue reading Triggered
married to a sex addict
Integrity
So, it's been written over and over that sex addiction isn't really about sex, just like alcoholism isn't really about the brand of alcohol a person likes to drink. Addiction is about medicating wounds, trauma, mental illness, about filling the void and feeling better in the moment, even if that moment is ever so brief. … Continue reading Integrity
Two stepping
In a comment Blue Eyes made on the My identity post a few days ago, he wrote "I am not a two stepper." I had no idea what a "two stepper" was in relation to addiction. So I asked him what it meant to him, then I looked it up (to see what it meant to others). … Continue reading Two stepping
My identity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI It's no secret that I am not a religious person. My spirituality comes from within. My strength comes from knowing I am a good person. It's also no secret that I listen to Top 40 music. I have a huge playlist on my iTunes that crosses every genre, but I never remember to set … Continue reading My identity
Will I be okay
On our recent business trip back east, we stayed at a hotel in Boston for four nights. When you get off the elevator of the 14th floor of this hotel, there is a little grouping of paintings, with this quote in the middle: After a few arrivals to our floor, and Blue Eyes looking at … Continue reading Will I be okay
Why…
The question with answers that don't make sense to someone who would never betray their partner. To someone who isn't an addict and doesn't have the need to fill such deep, destructive holes, nothing really makes sense. Blue Eyes did a pretty good job of reflecting on the question that has been asked by me … Continue reading Why…
Midtown mood
We have a number of different views out of our 14th story hotel room here in midtown Manhattan. We're here for business, but also visiting our Brooklyn son. The above is the view I have been staring at most of the day. I don't seem to be able to control my mood here in the … Continue reading Midtown mood
Memories
I used to call them triggers and they inevitably caused me tremendous suffering. Triggers were everywhere, literal memories of "the phone call" or buried feelings of being emotionally abandoned by my husband, or conjured visions derived from the fallout of Blue Eyes' sex addicted behavior. Now, the triggers have slowly morphed into memories that no … Continue reading Memories
Sex Addict
Whenever I read, in a story, an article or a blog entry or wherever, that a person has self-diagnosed as a sex addict after being caught cheating, because theoretically it's a good excuse for bad behavior, I sigh. Whenever I hear someone call someone else a sex addict because the target of hate and disdain … Continue reading Sex Addict
Beyond sobriety
Sometimes talking things out is the best way through, and I'm always grateful for this blog. This entry has been sitting here for a while because I started this post and then abandoned it. Some days, weeks, months, I don't feel like putting my thoughts into words. I guess I would call it a slump. … Continue reading Beyond sobriety
try not to cry on my rainbow 