WordPress just wished me a Happy Anniversary. It’s been five years since I started this blog.
This story began with a phone call.
That phone call was from a woman who wanted to punish me for my husband’s bad acts.
Discovery Day: January 11, 2014. That’s the day I started ferociously journaling, attempting to off load some of the poison that was coursing through my body. To try and exorcise some of the debilitating images infiltrating my mind, I wrote and wrote and wrote. My story spilled out of me fast and ferocious, for months. The words have slowed, the pain has deadened, but the circumstances are the same. My life was changed forever on that day.
When I frantically googled every imaginable thing I could post discovery, “why do people have affairs,” “why women have relationships with taken men,” “betrayed wife,” “cheating husband,” I found a lot of betrayed wife blogs. Those spoke to me in an intimate way, but didn’t begin to answer my questions once my husband was diagnosed as a sex addict. I am forever grateful to the bloggers who stuck with me even though their husbands are not sex addicts. There’s a compassionate camaraderie amongst the spouses of cheaters. Our stories are different, but our pain is much more similar.
I also found a bunch of mistress blogs. Those hurt my heart.
I did quickly realize that I wasn’t finding anyone with a story quite like mine. There were a handful of articles written by or about wives of sex addicts, and a couple somewhat defunct blogs written by wives of sex addicts, but really not much that aligned with what I was learning about sex addiction, and specifically sex addiction induced trauma (SAIT). I journaled for nearly nine straight months, day after day, before getting up the nerve to put my story out into the blogosphere. I am forever grateful for the day I started this blog.
I have thought about starting a new blog, a travel (one of my life’s passions) blog, but instead, I keep coming back here to share my life because addiction in general and sex addiction more specifically to my story, doesn’t just go away. Living with an addict, even a recovering addict, is not something I signed up for, but I got it anyway. So I write, and it helps me.
So here on my blog, on this 5th anniversary of inception, I’m sharing with you all, that I am writing a book. This will NOT be a self-help book. I like sharing my story, and creating bonds with other betrayed spouses, wives of sex addicts, and anyone else with the inclination to reach out to me through this blog, but I don’t feel in the least bit qualified to assist others in a formal way, on their journey through betrayal. It also won’t be a book of non-fiction and it won’t be specifically about sex addiction. The book I am committing to here, because you guys are great accountability partners, is a book of fiction. I’m writing a murder mystery. Sex addiction will factor in, because, well, they say write what you know, right? Anyway, I’m hopefully embarking on an endeavor that will fill a need in me, in a more formal way, a need to write, and I’m trying to do it in a way that will keep me focused. I don’t need another assignment or chore on my plate. I want something that sparks my interest and feeds my brain.
To be honest, I’ve started three books already and they sit. I work on them every once in a while because I do love to write, but they are more about the pain specific to my life… one is about my relationship with my mother-in-law. I started writing down that story years ago. My mom suggested I write out my pain and frustration with my husband’s mother and all that she is and has done that affects me, to get it out of me, the poison. Thanks, mom! When I finish it, if I publish it, I don’t think I’ll publish it while she’s still alive. Then again, she may outlive me. I don’t know. I have also started my story, as the wife of a sex addict. It is being written with my life story as the catalyst, but it is also a work of fiction. I love to write and I have allotted time each day to do so.
So, Happy Blogiversary to me! Onward and upward.